Your Toy No More
by SexyRyu28
Summary: Tired of his unhealthy relationship with Yuki, Shuichi decides to leave, Upon his return he brings more than his anger towards the novelist. Does Yuki have a chance or has someone else taken his place?
1. Anger

Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.

Rated: OT for now, might change in the future.

The story starts a little shaky since is my first, but expect it to get better. Enjoy

Chapter 1: Anger

"It's already Friday morning." Shuichi thought as his groggy purple eyes opened.

While lying in bed, he thought about the luxury of being home all weekend with his love, but upon remembering that he still had to work today, he got up.

He got in the shower and turned on the tap to let the hot water run down his toned body. "Oww! I'm still sore." He cringed as he washed himself and thought back to the previous night. 'As usual he was an animal.' He thought as he rubbed his back. He continued washing himself, now paying special attention to his ass which was still covered with Yuki's dry cum. Once he was finally done and satisfied with his cleanliness, he stepped out of the shower to get dressed. As he stared at his reflection on the mirror he thought,

'_Why_ _do I put up with this, am I really in love with him?'_

So many things came rushing to his head. There were a lot of memories, although as hard as he might try, he couldn't find many good ones.

A few minutes later, he was interrupted by the sudden banging on the door accompanied by what has become the usual good morning, "Hey brat, when the hell are you planning to get out of there?" Shuichi's eyes drifted from the mirror for a moment, but when he looked back. He saw something he had never seen before in Yuki's cold ember colored eyes. Anger, resentment and even hatred. _'Why?' _He asked himself. He felt horrible, never before has he seen such a terrible expression in his face directed at him. Did he do something wrong?

He remembered how happy he felt when Yuki even looked at him. Just a look was enough to arouse him and he would do anything his lover wanted no matter how degrading it was. But now every time Yuki wanted sex he felt nauseous. He knew there will be no love, no satisfaction. Just the emptiness only a cheap whore would feel.

He looked up at his lover and took a breath before he exited the bathroom. "I'd Better get going."

"Where are you going so early idiot?" Yuki asked, but Shuichi did not answer.

"I'm talking to you!" At this point Yuki started to feel very annoyed and Shuichi just wasn't in the mood for arguing so he ignored the blonde man and kept on his way to the front door.

"I said where are you going." Yuki walked up to his lover and grabbed him by the arm. When Shuichi faced him, his eyed widened from confusion and shock. There was no weakness he was used to see, no teary eyes, no whining or crying that he knew as part of Shuichi's personality. It was almost scary.

"I'm going to the studio. You know where I work." It almost sounded as if he was saying 'duh'

Yuki clearly did not like the tone his pink haired baka was using, but when he attempted to say something, he found a pair of purple eyes very empty just looking not at him, but through him.

"Don't stay up cause I don't know at what time I'm coming back." He slammed the door behind him without even say goodbye.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Good morning every one." Shuichi said, but got no response, everyone was checking their watches thinking they were wrong.

"Jeez, is it _that_ weird for me to get to work early?"

"Is that a trick question?" Asked Hiro with a smirk.

"Let's see, we either have to bang on the door until your neighbor calls the police." said Sakano.

"I usually just shoot a few rounds," added K with pride.

"C'mon guys I don't need this crap today. Can I make some music or should I go some other place to get fucking distracted."

Silence took over the atmosphere. Everyone was confused, why was Shuichi so upset? He has never talked to them that way.

"Oh forget it! I'm taking day off!" Just as he said that K attempted to get in his way, but before he could even get next to Shuichi the pink haired singer growled at him, "Don't you dare to get in my way!" K stepped back and Shuichi gave them an awkward, almost chilling smile, and waved goodbye.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was very, very late at night and no sign of Shuichi.

"I don't know where he went, he walked out of the studio hours ago." said Hiro yawning, "Anyways why'd you call me? Shouldn't you know where he is? After all, you guys have been together for a long time. No one better than you should know what the hell is wrong with him, right?"

"Oh forget it, just go back to sleep, I don't feel like being lectured right now."

"Alright, just don't be hard on him, after all he loves you." And with that Hiro hung up and flopped into bed.

"That idiot. I should lock the door. That will teach him." and so he did.

Yuki was a bit worried, but of course being the jackass he is, he refused to admit it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuki was still awake in his studio, trying not to worry about Shuichi, when he heard someone at the door. "I knew he'd come back. Now he'll start banging on the door and cry his eyes out." Boy was he wrong.

Shuichi kicked at the door with such force until it opened. Swinging the door open, Yuki stood there in disbelief. Why the fuck was he kicking the door when nothing was wrong?

"Hi there, asshole." Greeted Shuichi with a bone chilling grin. It was obvious he had been drinking and doing who knows what.

Yuki just stared, no words coming out. He examined his Shuichi, sweaty and smelling of beer and smoke. He wore no shirt and his pants were half unzip. He looked so hot from his point of view, more manly than he's ever been, and even though he was still angry he felt very aroused by this Shuichi that was standing before him.

"You are as rude as ever," Shuichi said, his grin widening. "Don't even have the manners to invite me in." He then frowned. "I don't even know why have I been trying to make a partner out of you." Yuki was unable to say a word.

_How dare he speak to me like that? _

"You are just a piece of shit with a God complex. Well guess what lover, you can kiss this gorgeous ass of mine 'Bye-Bye'."

With that Shuichi left the apartment. It wasn't until he smelled something on fire that he snapped out of it. Sadly it was too late, to go after Shuichi and to save his carpet

TBC: Ok how was it? I hope you guys enjoyed it. Special thanks to Inu-midoriko for cleaning up my messy stories, you're the best .


	2. Changes

Disclaimer: Same as before, do not own it.

Rated: M

Chapter 2: Changes

Approximately six months had passed since Shuichi had walk out the door and Yuki hadn't seen him since. He sat on the couch with a pen and paper in his hand. He tried to think of the next chapter to his latest book but the night Shuichi left always interrupted his thoughts.

After he had left, he waited a few days before contacting his parents or Hiro's house to find out where he was but nobody knew. Of course, it was all blamed on Eiri, even he blamed himself.

"Damn it!" Seguchi's screams could be heard down the hall, "Where the hell is he?! K, have you found any clues?"

"None." the American replied, "He just vanished."

"Vanished?! Nobody just vanishes! How hard is it to find a singer with skimpy clothes and pink fucking hair!" Seguchi slammed the phone.

Hiro came into the office expecting good news but was clearly disappointed.

"Nothing right?" He asked dully, already knowing the answer.

"No signs of him, Hiro. I'm sorry but I'm afraid there's nothing else I can do."

"I guess this is it for Bad Luck then. No singer means no music. No music, no band."

"I'll come up with something. Don't worry." And with that, he dismissed Hiro from the office. God, he needed to think. What was he going to do?

Meanwhile out of the boards of Japan, a certain pink haired singer was also thinking, he also needed a plan if he was ever to face everyone and everything once again. But, was he ready?

"_Well Shuichi, are you ready to go back?" _Shuichi was staring at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were as beautiful as they were empty. _"Yuki Eiri, I hope you've been praying. You will need it." _His thoughts were interrupted by repeated knocking at the door.

"Who is it?" He called.

"It's me, Tony." He was a very handsome Spanish guy with the cute accent to match.

"Give me a sec, I have to put something on!" Of course Antonio wouldn't mind seeing him the way he was, in fact he would prefer that.

A few moments later Shuichi called, "Alright come in."

Poor Antonio almost fell over at the sight of Shuichi. He wore only a pair of jeans that were very low on the waist. The button was still open and left little to the imagination as the Spanish man gazed upon his young, toned body.

"Sorry to come in so early but I thought you might want to hear some info that I gathered." His voice quivered and he found he had trouble gathering his words to form an intelligent sentence. He couldn't believe this was the same guy from six months ago.

_Flashback - Six months ago_

_Tony was leaving the hotel in Japan around 7:30 am and as he was exiting he found what he thought was a girl. As he leaned to ask her if she needed help he smelled the alcohol, he moved in closer._

"_Hey miss, are you ok?" he got no response. "Hey Miss." he shook what he thought was a girl._

"_Fuck off Yuki." Shuichi growled. He felt very dizzy and fell right in top of the young man who was shocked to learn, that by the sound of his voice, she was definitely a he._

_Shuichi opened his sleepy eyes and sat up. "Oh my head." Naturally, he put a hand to his head to try to help the throbbing. "What happened to me?" _

"_Well glad you're finally up. My guess is you're feeling quite hung over right now." _

_Shuichi was obviously confused as he took in his accent. Who was this person and how the hell did he end up in a bed that wasn't Yuki's bed? "Oh my god, don't tell me I had sex with you." His eyes where filling with tears and he felt ashamed as well as disgusted with himself._

"_No, you certainly did not. I found you on the street in very bad shape. You fell unconscious so I brought you to the hotel I've been staying in." The Spanish man narrowed his eyes at Shuichi's comment, unsure if he should feel insulted or not. "By the way my name is Antonio but everyone calls me Tony." He jerked his head in Shuichi's direction. "What's yours?"_

"_My name is Shindou, Shuichi Shindou. How long have I been sleeping?"_

"_I'd say about at least 7 hours."_

"_Where am I?" Shuichi started taking in his surroundings but had to cringe every time he moved his head. _

"_Well, technically you're still in Japan."_

"_What do you mean technically?"_

"_Um, how to say this, we're flying out of Japan to Europe." He saw the sudden change in expression and now he was really regretting this. _

_Okay, scratch that, he wasn't in a bed, he was in a chair. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" He jerked his body further away from Tony. "You have to stop the plane!" He demanded, "This is kidnapping!" Panic shot through his body._

"_Calm down, I'm not kidnapping you. I just couldn't leave you there in that condition and I couldn't get another flight out of here before tomorrow." He saw tears in Shuichi's eyes and softened when they escaped the confines of his eyes and stained his cheeks. _

"_Hey, take it easy. I can tell the pilot to land in the closest airport." _

_Shuichi wasn't crying because he was upset. He was in agony for some other reason Antonio didn't know, but the pain in Shuichi's face was making him upset. Why should such a beautiful boy have to have such a distraught look on his face?_

"_Can I get you anything in the meantime?" _

"_I'm sorry." That's all he could manage to get out._

"_Don't worry I'll get you home soon."_

"_I don't have a home to go to," Shuichi said between sobs._

"_You're more than welcome to accompany me in my trip if you'd like." _

_Shuichi relaxed. "I don't want to be burden."_

"_Don't worry I'd like the company." Shuichi smiled slightly in thanks and Tony smiled back, causing the pink haired boy relax a lot more than he was and eventually fall asleep. _

_During the months that followed, they made a few stops such as, Italy and France. After a few more hours, they where on Tony's home land._

_Spain._

_Antonio learned the story about Shuichi and Yuki during their trip, his reason for not wanting to go back to Japan as of yet. He also learned about the only person that Shuichi missed, his best friend and band mate Hiro. _

_With Tony's help, Shuichi gained self-confidence. They had been exercising everyday as a way to relieve stress. He also worked with Antonio who turned out to be a very famous photographer that happened to be in Japan looking for new models._

"_Ok Shuichi you've been here for three months and you're still dressing like a hooker." Of course Shuichi wasn't happy with that statement. "You need a makeover."_

"_Why do I have to change the way I look? I think I look fine." He finished his sentence with a pout._

"_You want a reason? Well I have few." He turned Shuichi to a big mirror in his office. "First of all, you are a guy. So these little shorts don't go with you. Second, 'the fuck me' boots you are wearing attracts the wrong attention. Third, the shirt and please don't get me started with the hair. If you really want to change, you need to get rid of all the old and embrace a new you."_

_Shuichi stared at the mirror and remembered that night and how he was insulted daily by that man he no longer wanted to mention._

"_You're right Tony, do as you wish." He smiled at Antonio in approval._

"_Well, let's begin." In less than five minutes, there were stylists, consultants, and people with lots of clothes and shoes to help Shuichi pick a new wardrobe._

That was then. The Shuichi that stood in front of him was a new person. He still had that slender figure but his muscles where more defined, his hair was black, kind of messy, but definitely not girly and a few piercing. Everything he's done to his image was done in very good taste, everything had a meaning. He had even posed a few times for Tony, but those pictures were not to be published yet.

"You can tell me all about it tomorrow, tonight I want to go out."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well, Tony, how about we go clubbing? It's been a long time and I feel in the mood." Shuichi slid his hand across his bare chest down his belly and hooked his thumb to his unbuttoned pants. He had a fire in his eyes and it was driving Tony insane with want.

"Okay, I know a good place it has great music and the atmosphere is relaxing."

"Tony," Shuichi said with a bit of sadness. "It's been so long."

"What are you talking about Shu?" He frowned. By the half hardened bulge in his pants, he was obviously thinking naughty.

"Since I sang. I don't even know if I'll be able to retake my career."

"Oh! Singing! Right you sing." So that's what he meant. It almost made him disappointed.

"Don't tell me you forgot. Well I haven't. I kinda miss it sometimes. I guess it was a good thing that Bad Luck hadn't reached Europe yet."

"Yeah otherwise you wouldn't have been able to move ahead with your plans."

"Ok that's enough, I want to have a good time tonight, so no sadness." he gave Tony a big grin.

Tony was glad that he met Shuichi; it took him a while to start smiling and coming out of his shell. He was like a broken doll, whoever that Yuki was did a lot of damage.

"Hey Tony, go and get ready, put on some hot clothes for me." He got so close to Tony, he was breathing onto his neck.

'God he's so damn hot' Tony thought as he closed his eyes he wanted to feel every breath, every word.

His pants started to feel tighter.

"What's the matter? Am I making you… uncomfortable?" Shuichi was now speaking directly in his ear.

"Mmm, not at all." Tony turned around to face Shuichi's, it was like a wordless plea. He wanted Shuichi so bad, and by the bump he was now feeling it looked like Shuichi was also in need.

"Do you want me Tony?" Shuichi was very proud of himself, this is something he couldn't accomplish with Yuki, and he loved the feeling of rendering someone powerless.

"Of course I do. Please Shuichi, I need you." His erection was painful and by now he was reduced to stroking himself against Shuichi's leg, trying to find some relief.

"No, no. That's not allowed." Shuichi, placed his hand on Tony's groin, a loud moan escaping from the man's lips.

"Oh god Shuichi, don't tease me like that." he was fiercely humping the singer's hand.

"As you wish." Shuichi removed the hand, leaving his friend panting, aroused and confused. "Now go and get ready we leave at 10 pm." he turned around and went to his room.

'What the hell just happened?' Thought Antonio. 'God Shuichi, if you only knew how I felt.'

TBC: I hope U guys enjoy this. Reviews are greatly appreciated (.)

Thanks to Inu-midoriko for cleaning up my stories and making them pretty


	3. Fun

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own it (sigh)

Rating: OT - M

A/N: Hi there! First I have to thank all of you who have read the story so far, I truly appreciate it. So far I have posted six chapters on another site, right now I'm in the process of uploading them here, so bear with me. Thanks to Inu-midoriko for her excellent beta skills. Remember to R&R, I'm always open for suggestions and constructive criticism. Before I forget I have to remind you all that both Shuichi and Yuki are OOC, but don't worry you'll have the occasional relapse to 'normal'. Happy reading.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Chapter 3: Fun

After a very cold shower and some personal caring, Tony was finally ready to go out. He wore jeans, a buttoned shirt half undone and black shoes. It was a very hot night; the skyline was beautiful he could see Madrid from his window.

"I'm ready." Shuichi walked out his room "How do I look?"

He was wearing tight jeans low on his waist, sculpting his ass so it attracted much wanted attention. A sleeveless black shirt accentuated his top with a pair of black boots. Although he didn't wear make up these days, he occasionally wore black eye liner. It made his eyes look very deep and mysterious, not a lot of people had gorgeous purple eyes like him.

"You look delicious." He purred in response. More like _'hot sex on legs'_ He wanted to devour Shuichi, to make him scream his name in pleasure, to make him forget Yuki Eiri once and for all.

"Well thank you." Shuichi knew the effect he had on Tony, and he liked it…almost too much for comfort.

Shuichi walk with such confidence now, he was an absolutely beautiful man, and he made everyone notice him at the club, men and women alike. He always had that effect but now was different.

They sat in the VIP section where they could enjoy the atmosphere and have a few drinks. Someone sitting at the bar motion to Tony.

"I'll be right back."

"Hey, bring me another drink on your way back," the new and improved man was feeling a bit anxious knowing that his plans were soon to be put in motion.

"Sure." Tony called over his shoulder and continued on his way to the man that called him over.

Shuichi sat looking at the people dancing, the music was great, as the DJ played anything from pop, to hip-hop, to Latin music. As Shuichi sat there observing he got lost in thought. Remembering those days when he and Hiro would go to a club and dance, with him usually the one ending up drunk and Hiro with a bunch of phone numbers from various girls, and guys, although he would never admit it.

'_When did things get so bad? Why did I have to ever cross paths with Yuki? Why did I have to love him?_' So many question ran through his mind but they were soon to be interrupted by a single tear rolling down his cheek.

"Oh boy Shuichi, you are still so sentimental," he told himself while wiping his tear. "I came here to have fun not to think and get sad."_'At least Tony was right, the music here is pretty good. I wish I could get on stage and give this crowd a show.' _He spotted a couple dancing, the girl was a curvaceous brunette, and she was wearing a short, tight dress with heels. The guy was tall and fit; he wore jeans and a buttoned shirt. They danced sensually to the beat and he suddenly felt the urge to join them.

_'Well it looks like I found my fun.' _he finished his drink and walked up to them.

"Mind if I join you?" he said in his most sensual voice as he got in between the two, they were shocked at first but as Shuichi started dancing with the girl her partner joined.

"Hey, Shu here's your..."Tony walked in the booth to find it empty. _'Now where the hell is he?'_

As Tony looked around he dropped the drinks, his jaw wide open when he saw Shuichi's body pressed between a beautiful young woman and a hot guy.

Shuichi noticed Tony watching with eyes full of lust. He motioned Tony to join him, but he was paralyzed enjoying the sight, the way Shu danced was so sensual, all eyes were on Shuichi, who kept dancing now by himself as he walked towards Tony, who still was unable to move.

"C'mon join me," he bit his lip and grabbed Tony by the arm.

"Alright." he followed Shuichi through the crowd like a confused puppy that didn't know what to do with himself.

They danced even more sensually; it was almost like they were having sex in the dance floor.

"Were you watching me?" asked Shuichi holding back a knowing grin.

"I was." he could manage to put together.

"You know, you made me wait a long time." Shuichi wrapped his arms around Tony's neck and gave him a pout. "So who was that guy that made you leave me all alone?"

Tony's hands rested on Shuichi's waist "He's a client. Sorry I made you wait, if I knew you wanted to dance that badly I would've come much sooner."

"Liar, you were enjoying the show." he flicked his tongue at the man's chin sending chills all over his body, "Did you liked it, or do you want a private dance?""I think you shouldn't drink anymore."

"Why? Because I make you nervous?" Shuichi asked giving an evil grin.

"No, because you might do something you might regret."

"Fine, I won't drink anymore for tonight, but in exchange you have to dance with me, all night."

And so Tony danced all night and Shuichi didn't drink, at least not when he was been watched. He did manage to get a few more drinks when Tony went to the rest room.

"God Shuichi you sure are heavy when you're drunk." An unconscious Shuichi was being carried by Tony who always seemed to get stuck with the task of picking up a drunk Shuichi.

He carefully carried Shuichi to his bed, trying not to wake him up. He took his boots off, Shuichi squirmed a little but was still asleep, he then lifted the younger man's arms in order to take off his shirt.

"Mmmm." a slow moan escaped Shu's lips, stopping Tony for a moment

_'He must be dreaming,'_ he slid his finger under the boy's shirt grazing his nipples by accident. Shuichi's body arched at the touch as he let out a hiss.

_'Ok he must be having a very good dream.'  
_  
Tony looked at the younger man, so tempting even in his sleep. He unbuttoned Shu's pants and was surprised to see that Shuichi lifted his hips as if to make his job easier.

_'Could he be…?' _he again looked at Shuichi, who was still asleep.

There lied Shuichi half covered with the sheets, Tony sitting next to him admiring in silence the young beautiful man before him looking so innocent in his sleep.

_'Shuichi, you're driving me crazy.' _He softly grazed his cheek, running his fingers on the side of his face. He removed the strands of hair from his forehead where he placed a soft kiss. His face was so close to what he most desired, Shuichi's lips.

"How long do you think I keep up with your game? Why must you tempt me?" he spoke very softly not wanting to wake him up. He wanted to stay like this, just for a little longer.

'_I'm losing my senses, I should go.'_ as he was getting up from the bed Shuichi moved causing Tony to lose his balance, their lips touched.

_'I shouldn't do this.' _but it was too late, his desire was stronger than his judgment.

He kissed him gently, he tasted the singer's lips, tracing them with his tongue, to his surprise the sleeping man parted his lips, and it was like an invitation, one that he couldn't refuse. His explored the younger man's mouth, their tongues tasting each other. That kiss got more and more intense; their bodies pressed together, their skin getting flushed as they caressed each other.

Tony knew Shuichi was drunk and half unconscious, but he couldn't stop himself. He was intoxicated by Shuichi's kisses, his moans, the way he was rocking his hips, it was an overload to his senses. He did not know if Shuichi was dreaming, or if it was his body acting on reflex, and for the first time he didn't care.

"Shuichi, I want you…I need you," his need was obvious as was the singer's.

"Please Shu, let me love you, I'll make you forget."

"Yuki…." that name snapped Tony back to reality. "Stop it please..." the man realized that Shuichi was crying in his sleep. He let the smaller figure back down to his pillow; he noticed the tears leaving a trace down the sleeping man's face.

"I hate you…Yuki…I hate you," mumbled Shuichi in his sleep.

_'Me too, I hate you too, Yuki.'  
_

Overseas in the most watched TV channel of Japan

"Thanks for having me here tonight."

"I'm the one that should thank you Seguchi-san. What do you have planned for us tonight?"

"Well, Hitomi, a Bad Luck special."

"Huh? But we haven't heard anything new from them, also, my sources tell me that the lead singer has been missing for months."

"You should fire your sources," said Seguchi in a mocking tone. "he's just took sometime off to relax and work on his music by himself."

"Well Japan there you have it, straight from the boss mouth, Shuichi Shindou is not missing."

"Now I bring you a collection of Bad Luck's best moments. It includes videos, concerts, interviews and more. I hope you guys at home enjoy."

"Well Tohma, leave it to you to come up with a way to cover a scandal and still make some money of it," Yuki said, he was watching TV trying to take his mind of the empty apartment and he just happened to come across this.

'_Where could you be Shuichi?'_ he would not admit it but he missed his pink haired lover.

He watch as they showed one of the concerts.

_'I remember that;_' his lip curled into a faint smile.

It was one of the few concerts Yuki attended, of course Shuichi had to beg him to show up.

Yuki watched intensely as his lover sang and danced around the stage, mesmerized by his lover's movement, he looked amazing in that leather outfit. His body reacted with every movement Shuichi made on stage. He was a God and he knew it, that's why he would touch himself that way on stage, that's why he would make those sounds, it would drive the crowd insane.

He closed his eyes and imagined how he would make love to Shuichi if he were here, not like he had been doing it for the past few years. His hands would travel all over his body, he would kiss the singer like he hadn't done in so long. He really wanted Shuichi; he realized how much he loved his pink haired lover although it was too late now to tell him. His body knew it, his heart also, but right now his body was speaking louder than his heart.

He touched his body the way Shuichi did once upon a time. He wished it were his boy's mouth trailing over his body instead of his own hands. He released his arousal from the confines of his pants and started stroking himself imagining how Shuichi would suck him. He was panting heavily as he imagined Shuichi's mouth working on him. That last vision drove him over the edge, moans and growls escaping from him, he had lost control, and as his body tensed, he released his seed.

'_Shit! How pitiful, I've been reduced to jerking off watching videos of you.'_

He was in between heaven and hell, he was listening to his love sing one song that was meant for him, the last song of the last concert Bad Luck gave, that was two nights before Shuichi walked out of his apartment, and his life.

"How stupid of me, all because of my arrogance. I'm sorry, my Shuichi."


	4. The morning after

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own it.

A/N: Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed it, I appreciate it. A huge thank you to Inu-midoriko for correcting all of my mistakes, HUGGLES. And to all of you Happy gobble gobble day.

Warnings: Lemon Alert!! You've been warned.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chap. 4: The morning after

**Yuki's apartment**

"I said I'm coming, dammit," Yuki muttered unhappily as he finally woke up by the incessant banging on his door. "Who the fuck is it?" He called through the door.

"It's me Tohma. Open the door Eiri." now that is the last person Yuki wanted to see. Only because he was the only person that could help him find Shuichi.

"Hey." he said almost in a growl when he opened the door to let the other man in.

"Well, good morning to you too, Eiri."

"Cut the crap Seguchi, what do you want?"

"Can't I visit my brother-in-law out of the goodness of my heart?"

"Nice try, but you're not good, and you don't have a heart." but upon realizing that he really needed Seguchi's help, he sighed and put aside his bitter feelings towards the other man. "I'll just pretend I believe you and let you in." he led Seguchi through his home to the living room and sat down on the couch.

Yuki reached for his cigarettes and noticed that Tohma was looking at the mess he had done the previous night.

"Let's talk in the kitchen." suggested Yuki, feeling uncomfortable at having his brother-in-law witnessing the state he was in.

"I see that you've been feeling 'lonely'." Seguchi said that with a smirk

"Do you know anything about Shuichi? Obviously you haven't found him."

"No not yet, I still can't figure out how he managed to disappear like that."

"What about your American dog and that mentally challenged singer of yours? Do they know anything?" his voice sounding very upset

"K looked all over Japan. He even has Rei looking in the US. And for your information Ryuichi knows nothing, he could not hide it from me if he knew." he was clearly upset also. "Besides, he has been moping ever since." he sighed, remembering the hurt on Ryuichi's face every time Shuichi's name was mentioned. "I try not to mention Shindou's name when he's around."

"Ok, then I guess you can get the hell out of my house." he then took Seguchi by the arm and led him to the door.

"Eiri, how rude." sarcasm in his words. He waited for Yuki to open the door and push him out before turning to him and giving him a wide smile.

"Fuck you."

"I love you too." that last statement got him the door slammed in his face.

'_Damn it brat where can I find you?' _Yuki slumped against the door and put a hand over his face.

----------

**Somewhere in Madrid.**

Shuichi was squirming in his bed; the sun was shining in his face

'_Damn, what a headache.'_ he soon realized he was almost naked in bed with a hard on and he had no idea how he got there.

"Holy shit! Think Shuichi, what's the last thing you remember?" he thought back to the night before.

"_Ok, I remember dancing with some hot broad and a yummy looking guy. Then I danced with Tony, and had more than a few drinks. I was doing my usual teasing and then…blank, damn it."_

He started to check himself just to make sure he was 'intact', which to his relief he was. Now he was left with two other problems, his head felt like it was going to explode… and so was his cock.

"Urgh I need a shower, a very cold shower" he walked to the bathroom and turned the water on. He waited for it to be just right and when it was, he got in and let the water run down his head.

"_Ahhh, it feels good." _the cold water wasn't relieving his arousal and he cursed.

He started to think about the night before, when he was dancing with Tony. As he washed his chest he imagined those hands running all over his body, his lips sucking gently at his nipples and wondered how his tongue would feel running all over his bare skin. He remembered being so close to him, his scent still clear in his memory. Touching himself in his most sensitive spots, he slowly let his hand wonder down his manhood to pleasure himself, turning around, his chest now touching the cold tiled wall. He placed a finger at his entrance and slowly pushed it in, a loud moan escaping him.

"Shuichi, are you awake?" Tony entered the room to find it empty. He looked at the bed and the memories from the previous night came rushing to his head. He heard the water running and figured that the younger man was taking a shower. He reached for the bathroom door, but completely froze when he heard the noises coming from inside the bathroom.

Shuichi, unaware that Tony was just outside his door, continued with his sexual fantasy. By now he was working two fingers inside him, panting heavily, his moans getting louder, as he worked on that sensitive spot inside him until he went mad.

Tony slowly opened the door and saw Shuichi in all his glory, the sight of the man he most desired playing with his body in such a wanton manner was incredibly arousing.

Shuichi caught a glimpse of the man from his fantasy staring at him and that made all more exciting. He turned around to give Tony full view, as he continued to pleasure himself. Now calling out the name of the man standing in front of him.

Tony wasn't expecting to walk in and see a Shuichi hot and full of lust. He was confused, not knowing if he should watch or help his 'friend' with his need, and thus help himself.

The singer pumping up and down with his left hand, his right hand reaching behind "Nhhh…Tony…" he was inviting the man in the shower and without thinking it twice he went in clothes and all.

"Shuichi, are you sure about this?" he managed to put that sentence together.

Removing his hands from his body, he moved forward to meet the cause of his arousal. "Please…I…I need you. Don't you see?" he started to strip him of the wet clothes "I want you…now." he claimed the photographer's mouth as he stripped him.

They were wrapped in a heated kiss, like the night before, but now was different Shuichi wasn't drunk or asleep, he wanted this, they both did. Their erections throbbing, and although the water was cold, it still felt like a steam shower.

He pressed Shuichi against the wall and started to explore the singer's body. He wanted to know every part of his exposed skin, every spot that would make the boy scream his name. Leaving a trail of love bites, he lowered himself down and flicked his tongue at the tip of the younger man's cock, licking the pearly beads dripping from it. Slowly placing the entire organ in his mouth, humming into it, he bobbed his head again and again, driving his lover to the edge.

They were in a shower of pure ecstasy; Shuichi trembled as his orgasm exploded as was Tony more than willing to claim every drop of cum for himself. He loved how Shuichi tasted. He licked a path up to reach Shuichi's mouth, sharing with him the sweet tasting reward.

"I want to feel you inside me." the photographer just nodded at the request, his heart beating out of control.

Lifting Shuichi's leg, he pushed himself slowly into the already prepared entrance. Even though he wanted to ram into that sweet body full force, he kept control. He waited for the younger man to adjust; with a motion of his hip Shuichi let him know he was more than ready. This man that now looked even more beautiful than before, his eyes that had a sparkle he had not seen before, bewitched him. They were both reaching their climax, the passion consuming every breath. The rhythm of their bodies now faster, like their breathing, the moans and cries louder with every thrust. Shuichi came with a loud cry, wrapping his muscle tight on his lover's cock,

making him release his seed inside his body.

They waited for their breathing to return to normal before separating from each other. Shuichi slowly coming to grips over what happened, he was beyond satisfied. Both men took a shower together without saying a word to each other.

'_What the hell is going on with me?' _thought Shuichi, _'I can't believe I did that.' _the look of panic, soon followed by confusion, placed itself on Shuichi's features.

Tony didn't miss the expressions and looked down at his feet in shame. How could he have let this happen?

They wrapped themselves in towels and made their way to the bedroom.

"Shuichi, I thought you wanted this to happen," Tony spoke first, wanting to be clear on the emotions Shuichi was feeling. "Do you regret it now?" his question was the same as Shuichi's.

"I'm not sure what I feel. I know for a fact it's not regret. I just feel confused, do you understand?"

"I do," he smiled, "I'm a bit confused too. I know this isn't new for you but it is for me." his words were reassuring, "I only know that I fell in love with you, and that I'll be with you until you achieve your goal. After that, well, it's your call if you want me or not. I will never force you to love me back." he gave Shuichi a very soft kiss on the lips and went to his room.

'_God, what do I do now?' _thought Shuichi as he flopped down on his bed. _'I don't think I love him. I like him, a lot, but love is something I'm not ready for.' _He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. _'I can't deny that just thinking about him made me hard. I mean he's very attractive, no one can deny that.' _he then turned over on his side. _'God I wanted him so bad, but this is wrong,' _he punched his pillow before burying his face in it._ 'Arghhh!'_

_----------_

Shuichi slipped into his favorite pair of jeans and a tank top and headed out.

"I'm going out for a walk, be back in an hour." he called to Tony. He needed some air to clear up his mind. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going and ended up in small park.

'_It seems that every road I take leads me to sad places.' _letting out a sigh, he spotted a bench under a nice shade and sat down to think.

'_What should I do? I don't understand my own feelings. I still have to resolve the issue with 'him', and I can lose my focus on what I have to do. If Hiro were here he would probably know what to say. Or just smack some sense into me.' _He laughed inwardly imagining his friend yelling at him. He really missed those simple carefree days.

----------

**A few hours later **

"Hey Tony, I'm home." Shuichi said in a very low voice as if expecting no answer.

"So you're back. Feeling better?"

"Listen I'm sorry, I don't want you to…" he was interrupted by a warm, loving kiss.

"Don't apologize we did nothing wrong, besides you'll make me think you didn't like it." he laughed when he saw Shuichi turn bright red with embarrassment. "You're cute."

"Do you remember what you told me a few months ago, when I changed the way I looked?"

"That you didn't look like a cheap whore anymore." he tries to look serious but couldn't hold back his laugh.

"Not that…" the singer gave him a death look "You told me, that no matter what I decided to do, I could count on you."

"I remember, and my offer still stands, just with some minor adjustments."

"Adjustments? What do you mean?" Shuichi was clueless.

"I mean that I would not allow 'him' to hurt you, not again," he assured, "now that I've gotten so close to you, I can't loose you." his words were full of warmth they made Shuichi wonder if he had found his true soul mate.

"In two days, Tony, we start in two days." his voice quivered a bit.

The taller male embraced the vocalist. "Once the ball starts rolling there's no going back."

"I know that, I have to do this." he settled himself in those arms that held him so many times before, but now felt even warmer and full of love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TBC: Remember to leave your reviews, I look forward to hearing what you think. Adios.


	5. Revelations

**Disclaimer:** I own: My insomnia, my coffee, and the toothpick I'm chewing, and Tony, he's all mine. Gravitation is not in my 'things I own list.'

**A/N:** First of all thanks to Inu-midoriko for taking the time to beta for me, and to all of you who had read the story so far, thank you. I'm glad you guys like Tony as much as I do. Now on to the story.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 5: Revelations**

Two days had already passed since that fateful morning. Tony had already arranged everything for their return to Japan, he was to leave in the morning and Shuichi three days after. The priority was for Tony to contact Hiro as soon as he got there and give him a message. After that, they both knew their part.

"You sure are up early." Tony said reaching for a cup of coffee

"I was looking at some of the pictures you took of me."

"This is my favorite," the photographer pointed. "I took this one when we went to Puerta De Alcala."

"I thought you were taking pictures of the structure."

"I was, then you walked right in front of it. You admired the monument like a curious child, so I ended up taking a picture of an even more exquisite structure." his eyes met the singer's.

Shuichi's felt his heart racing, never before had anyone been so loving towards him and he liked the feeling. "You know, I don't get you. Most people would freak out and run away, but you keep being nice to me even though you know about my past and what I'm about to do."

Tony sat next to the vocalist, "You know when you find an antique piece and it looks like is not worth much, but after some care its true beauty starts to show?" Shuichi made an affirmative gesture, "Well, to me you are like that antique piece, once shattered, lacking luster, ignored and undervalued. I just put the pieces back together to discover the most beautiful work of art." the singers eyes were filling up with tears, "You are my most precious work of art, my discovery, and I intend to be the last person to explore your body, and to look into your soul."

The singer could not hold his sobbing any longer and threw himself into the arms of the man that gave him hope. His emotions took over him and for the first time in a long time he cried not just in anger and embarrassment, but also in sadness and joy all together. He was feeling hopeful that maybe this time he truly had a chance at something, for this he had to put all his past ghosts behind him. Shuichi knew in his heart that he wanted to love again and be loved, and this felt right.

"It's okay Shu, cry all you want," he stroked the singer's hair as if he were a child. "It was about time you let everything out."

--------------------

"I just need a few more weeks, I promise I'll have it by…" Yuki's speech interrupted by the person at the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry Eiri, but if the book is not ready by the end of the week it will not be published."

"Listen, I'm going through a tough time, I…"

"You are the one not understanding, we have other authors that are able to separate their personal life from their professional one. Besides your stories are lacking the quality they once had."

"Well you can kiss my-"

"You have to the end of the week, good day Eiri." the conversation ended abruptly.

Yuki ripped the phone, wire an all, from the wall and threw it out the window; of course in the midst of his tantrum he didn't realize that the window was closed. "I think I've been cursed," he was yelling and laughing (you know, the way crazy people laugh in horror movies) "what else can go fucking wrong?" he sat on his living room floor, his face buried under his hands, when someone knocked on his door. He tried hard to ignore the incessant banging, but soon gave up.

He opened the door, "Stop the fucking knocking damn it!" at the entrance stood Hiro.

"Hello to you too, Yuki." he couldn't be anymore sarcastic; Hiro never approved of the relationship between his best friend and the writer, but respected the singer's decision.

"What the hell do you want?" the novelist asked "You know he's not here."

"I know, I just need some equipment and music files Shu was working on before he left." those three last words were not spoken, but thrown at the novelist with such an wicked tone. "By the way, I think this is yours." he handed Yuki the shattered phone, "You should be more careful."

"Whatever, get what you need and get the hell out fast. All his shit is in the closet at the end of the hall way." that was all he had in the apartment, all these years and he only had a closet. The singer didn't have a bed, but an air mattress in the spare room, which infuriated Hiro even more.

"I got everything," he gave a hard look at the writer. Yuki was half the man he once was, and deep down Hiro enjoyed his suffering, "you know, it's all your fault." bitterness in his voice.

"If you're done hurry up and get the fuck out." he knew Hiro spoke the truth, he just wasn't ready to hear it from someone else.

"He just wanted a little of your love but you, been an arrogant son of a bitch, denied him that. You shattered his spirit, you took away his cheerful nature. But what would a heartless bastard like you know? Did you even once wipe a tear from his face?" he got no answer, "I didn't think so, you want to know why? Because that was my daily duty as his friend." he made his way out the door carrying the things he came to retrieve.

Yuki knew he deserved every word and more, he had said them to himself many times over. He managed to get himself to the bedroom, there the vision of a Shuichi crying after some 'rough' sex, and himself telling him to shut up haunted him. He made a run for the bathroom, feeling utterly disgusted with himself, all that guilt making him nauseous.

--------------------

"Do you have everything?" Shuichi pacing as he asked.

"Yes, I have all I need."

"Are you sure? Do you have Hiro's picture?"

"Yeah."

"What about those pictures?"

"Yes, chill out, you are starting to sound like my mother." he said that in a loving tone. "Don't forget that my friend is going to let you use his studio, so start warming those vocal cords, you'll need them."

"I'll…miss you…" Shuichi said shyly.

"Me too, but don't worry I'll see you in a few days." he gave the vocalist a chaste kiss. "Remember to lock the door, and when you leave for the airport leave the keys to Marcela, okay?"

"Call me as soon as you land."

"I promise." Tony got in the car and headed for the airport, leaving Shuichi behind waving goodbye. He felt sad, but knew it was only for a few days.

Shuichi headed back inside to an apartment that now seemed so big. There on the table laid a picture of Tony. It was taken the day they went clubbing. Suddenly the image of the photographer with his shoulder length untied wet hair and sweet kisses under the running water came to mind, _'Well Shuichi lets get to work, we'll have time for that later.' _he headed to the studio. He wanted time to fly, and what better way to make it happen than singing.

-

Around fifteen hours later, Tony arrived in Japan. Thankful that he traveled in a private jet, where at least he was comfortable and able to get some shuteye. A man was waiting for him while another started to carry the luggage.

"Welcome back Sir, everything has been set like you requested."

"I trust that you have done your job well, Hisashi." Tony answered in Japanese. Being an international photographer, he was fluent in many languages.

A car was ready for him, "I'll be home in a few hours." He gave the address to the driver and reached for his phone.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Hi love, sorry to wake you I know is about midnight there."

"No, it's fine. How are you?"

Tony could hear the singer stretching, "Missing you. What about you?"

"I went to the studio for a few hours, I missed singing so much."

"Did you have dinner?" he always worried about the singer eating habits.

"Yeah, Mrs. Marcela brought me some yummy soup, she called it gazpacho." [1

"Isn't she a great cook?" he was already feeling home sick, "Do you want me to find Hiro now or in the morning?"

"The sooner the better, don't worry if you wake me up again."

"Hey Shuichi," he said with a purr, "are you naked?" he knew that was enough to wake up the boy.

"No," he wanted to play along, "I'm wearing my sleeping shorts, the ones that let my perky little ass peek. I'm sure you recall which ones."

The photographer had a vision of Shuichi in _those_ shorts, stretching in a cat like manner on his bed, "I'll call you later."

A giggle escaped the boy's lips, "Okay, bye-bye." and he hung up.

The driver parked in front of a house, "Sir, we're here."

"Takeshi, wait for me here." he walked to the residence but before he could knock someone pulled into the driveway.

"Can I help you," the person asked, he removed his helmet to reveal a long mane of red hair.

Tony took a look at the picture, "Are you Hiro?"

"And who wants to know?" was he always suspicious?

"I have a message, from Shuichi." he watched as the guitarist expression change drastically, "May I come in?"

-

Hiro listened to the whole story trying to take everything in; he still couldn't believe his best friend has been living in Spain with some guy and never bothered to call.

"Listen to me Hiro, he wanted to call. He missed you, but he didn't want anyone to know where he was." he assured, "That's why I'm here," Tony took a cell phone out, "use this to communicate with Shuichi but be discreet. His number is already programmed. You can call him as soon as I leave. One last thing, be prepared, things are going to get…interesting." he gave Hiro a smile that gave him chills.

As soon as he saw the parked car in front leave he took the phone and pressed the number with his friend's name.

"Hello?" the sleepy voice answered; he would recognize his best friend anywhere.

"Shuichi, its Hiro." he heard a squeal that confirmed that in fact it was Shuichi.

"I missed you Hiro, I'm sorry I left like that but-" he was suddenly interrupted by the yelling.

"What the hell have you been doing with that…that Spanish guy, that Bobby or Roby, whatever his name is?!"

"Tony."

"Yeah him! And why didn't you come to me?"

"I was drunk."

"That's no excuse-"

"I was unconscious."

"Still no excuse, and quit interrupting-"

"You need to get laid." Shuichi waited for the reaction.

"I said to stop- How do you know?" they both broke into laughter, "God, it's so good to hear you Shu. I've been so worried."

"I'm sure Tony explained things to you. I'll be there soon and I expect your guitar skills to be sharper than ever."

"You know it. But, what about Suguru?"

"Can we trust him? After all he's Tohma's cousin."

"You know that he wants to outshine his cousin, he should be alright."

"Then he is your responsibility." the singer let out a yawn, "I'm going to dreamland now. See you soon."

"Sleep tight, and don't play with your…you know what."

"Hiro, you're mean." but he had already hung up, he was tired but happy that he would be going home soon.

-

**Meanwhile the next morning at NG:**

"What is the meaning of this?"

"What's wrong boss?" K opened the door to Seguchi's office; luckily for him he managed to dodge the coffee mug that would have landed in his face.

"This is everywhere! See for yourself."

"Oh shit, looks like our boy has been having fun." replied the American.

"Give me the fucking phone, now!"

**At Hiro's house**

"Oh my god! He is going to need a bullet proof vest."

**At Suguru's apartment**

"Holy shit, Tohma must be having a stroke." unlike everyone else he found the situation amusing.

**At Yuki's place**

"What do you want this early, Tohma?" suffering from one of his hangovers.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Seguchi sounded nervous.

"Aggravating my headache talking to you."

"Eiri, Can you just answer my question?"

"Fine, I was going to take a shower, and then watch the news while having breakfast."

"Don't watch the news!" Tohma almost yelled.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Eiri, I'm serious, just wait for me."

"Cut the bullshit, I have a headache!"

"I'm on my way just don't turn on the TV." he was trying to remain calm.

"Why?" the writer was getting really annoyed, "What is the big fucking deal."

"Just trust me."

"I hope this is not one of your stupid jokes." he turned the TV to one of those morning gossip shows; he loved to go against anything Tohma said.

…_Our sources confirm that the man in this picture is in deed the lead singer of the popular band Bad Luck. The photo, we are told, was taken in Spain; the exact location is still unknown as well as the identity of the man that's in the photo. One thing is certain it is not the author Yuki Eiri. Could this be a love triangle? Or were the rumors about a split between the scandalous pair true? We will keep you informed as we try to get to the bottom of this. In other news…_

"Eiri are you there?" he could hear the author shallow breaths, then the phone went dead, "Eiri, answer me."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**[1 Gazpacho soup**, also known as **gazpacho**, is a cold Spanish soup, a cold bread soup based on a combination of stale bread, garlic, olive oil, salt, and vinegar.

**A/N: **Thanks to aquagirl16, DarkMetalAngel of destruction, yaoi kitsune, deadly silence, Gabby0214, LuLu'sStarlightDiary, Rynn-Rynn, RobinaHood, angelwarrior1, Dreamer of Darkness, RogueRaven89, Ryuichi-Shuichi41, and zoebeansmommy for all your reviews and for putting me on your alerts. If I forgot anyone I'm sorry.

As for how the story is going to turn not even I know, this was originally a 5 chap. story that turned to a 12 chap. story and I still find myself adding, taking away, and moving things around, so please bear with me. Don't forget to review, I look forward to hearing from you.


	6. Homecoming

**Disclaimer: **I own my delicious cup of coffee, my fluffy slippers, and my happy bunny pj's.

**Warnings: **none for now.

**A/N:** Well, chapter 6 is finally up (go me, wohoo) To all of you who have been following the story and reviewing a huge thanks. To Inu-midoriko an even bigger thank you, I know that fixing up someone else's mistakes is hard work.

Okay, soooo moving on, this story is practically eating me alive, I have a few chapters and drabbles and some plain incoherent things written down so as of now I have no idea in what direction to take chap. 7, I do know that it wil be turning a bit darker later on as things start to come to light, so bear with me for a while.

Reviews, as always, are greatly appreciated I love hearing what you have to say, and if you have any ideas or anything let me know 'kay. Now you guys read while I go sleep, again. (Yawn)

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 6: Homecoming**

"Eiri, are you in there?" Tohma frantically yelled.

When there was no answer he ordered K to knock on the door down. They entered the residence and searched for the blond writer.

The American contemplated the appalling conditions of the dwelling. The kitchen trashcan was overflowing with beer cans as well as the place reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. There were no signs of the blond anywhere until Seguchi reached the bedroom.

"Dear lord Eiri, what happened to you?" there on the floor sat the blonde man, he had a grim expression, he looked half dead. "Yuki, are you all right?" he knew it was a stupid question, but he was so terrified of the state his brother in law was in.

"K, get in here," Tohma was panicking, "I need your help now."

The American came rushing to assist his boss. If the apartment looked bad then naturally the owner looked worse. "Should we take him to a doctor?"

"No, he's just in shock. Stay with him, I'm going to prepare him a bath."

Both men carried the novelist to the bath. Once there, the American was ordered to step outside, because the keyboardist was not going to share the sight of a naked Eiri.

He carefully undressed the man who seemed to be regaining his senses and help him get inside the bath.

"Tohma, what are you doing?" mumbled the writer.

"Don't try to talk."

The novelist remained quiet for a few minutes, allowing his brother in law to pamper him like a child; after all he knew how much he liked to protect him.

"Tohma, I lost him, and its all my fault."

"Eiri, you did nothing wrong." he tried to reassure him

"Yes I did, I did horrible things to him. So horrible he erased it from his mind. Then he changed, he became empty, so I pushed him away, I thought he was going to come back like he always did, but this time…"

"What do you want me to do? You know I'll do anything for you…" he was already planning the different ways to make the singer pay.

"You are not touching him, do you understand? I'll never let anyone else touch him, not again." The novelist clearly stated.

"I'll do nothing then, you have my word."

After the bath, Yuki was given a sleeping pill and laid into his bed.

"K have someone clean the apartment today, understood? I have things to take care of."

--

Time seemed to go by slowly for a certain singer. Shuichi has never been a patient person and having to wait even a couple more days was driving him crazy. He also missed Tony more than he was willing to admit. He was rehearsing in the studio when his cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Good morning love." Tony said.

Shuichi was more than happy to hear the voice of the man that invaded his thoughts, "Oh, good morning."

"I did it." Tony said proudly.

"Did what?"

"The photo. It's all over Japan, TV, magazines, everywhere."

"Already? I thought you would have a hard time, everyone on the media is so loyal to the all mighty Seguchi Tohma."

"It so happens that I know a lot of them, and most owe me some kind of favour."

"I can imagine the face of that bastard. He must be calling every station in the country trying to pull the story from the air." and he was right, "better yet, trying to shelter his precious Yuki from it, fearing his ulcer would burst and make him puke blood until he died." The singer was clearly enjoying the news.

"Wow, I didn't know you could be so evil. I hope I never get on your bad side," he said sarcastically.

"You have no idea how much pain and humiliation they caused me. I intend to return the favour." so much resent was in his voice

Tony knew he was serious, but he could not imagine the gentle person he knew to turn into a vengeful one. "I'm been called, I got to let you go. I'll see you soon."

"Bye." Shuichi put his phone back inside his pocket.

Now he was pumped; he really wanted to go home

--

The day had finally arrived, Shuichi was already flying over Japan. He was to arrive around ten in the morning, the arrival of the singer was 'leaked' to the media who where anxiously waiting for the private jet.

Meanwhile, Tohma was furious for many reasons. One of them, not being able to pull the news of the singers return from the media. Reason two, now that Eiri knew the singer was returning home, he was determined to make amends and win back his love. He'd groomed himself, trying to look at least fairly handsome to his ex-lover, and rushed to the airport hoping to surprise him, unaware that he was the one to be surprised.

"_Good morning this is Emiko, live from Tokyo airport, where in just a few minutes the lead singer of Bad Luck is said to arrive. After living the country suddenly for unknown reasons, the vocalist has been involved in a romance with an unidentified man in Spain. This coming as a surprise to everyone, although the president of NG tried to hide the singers disappearance by saying he was on a vacation working on his music. We have tried on numerous occasions to reach the author Yuki Eiri with whom the vocalist was involved for many years but got no response. There were already rumors of the couple's split. Apparently the cause for the break up: the writer's numerous lovers, which he made no attempt to keep secret,…I think this is it, a plane just landed, could it be…?" _

The airport was packed with reporters, fans, Hiro and Suguru, as well Tony. He was waiting as patiently as he could, he knew that the show was about to start. He was pleased to see a certain blond man with golden eyes. Oh those eyes full of hope. Tony couldn't help but feel such rage, but he knew it had to be that way, he had to be there in order for things to work and he wanted it to work, he wanted to see the hope in that man's eyes shattered.

Meanwhile, Shuichi's heart felt like it was having a parade, he was nervous like a boy on his first day of school. he could see all the people, pleasing him.

The plane made its way on the runway until it came to a stop, "Well Shuichi, it's show time…" he said running his fingers through his dark hair.

"…_Someone appears to be exiting the plane, and it is indeed the singer Shuichi Shindou of the group Bad Luck, and if my opinion counts for anything he looks hot. What a difference a few months make."_

The singer stood on the steps waving to his faithful fans; Tony made his way to the runway to meet the singer.

"…_Wait, there is someone approaching the singer, we might have a scoop here people, can this be the mystery man?"_

The photographer emerged from the car and was met with his lover's eyes, Shuichi saw him and gave him a huge grin before leaping into his arms, his legs wrapped around Tony's waist, their lips pressed together in a passionate kiss that was making everyone blush. That is, everyone but the novelist, who's eyes had turned from full of hope to full of disillusionment.

"_Is that who I think it is? Yes, is the renowned photographer Antonio Cortez, he's an expert at making anyone look perfect, a true genius at photography, always using natural backgrounds in his shoots. Wait the surprises keep coming, I can see the writer Eiri Yuki looking at his ex-lover with another man, dear Buddha this is like a soap opera, what a day this has been."_

"Shuichi." Tony whispered.

"UHMM." the singer answered, not letting go of the lips he'd waited days to kiss.

"Not that I'm not…enjoying myself, but…isn't this…too much?" he tried to talk in between the heated kisses, "We are…in public…after all."

"I don't care…I missed you…a lot." the singer kept attacking his lips.

"He's here you know?" with that said Shuichi opened his eyes to find his ex-lover watching how he was ravaging another mans lips. He could clearly see his ex-lover's heart break into tiny pieces. Hell, he practically heard the pieces fall in the ground like shattered glass.

"Purrrfect." the vocalist gave the author an evil grin through his lovers lips and kicked it up a notch. His body rubbing against the photographer who carried him into the car, the fans disappointed, wanting to see more action, started talking about all the things they might be doing in the car.

"_He knew I was here, he saw me." _Yuki knew that last look, and the act was on purpose.

Shuichi and Tony got in the car and drove off, the singer quite satisfied with the outcome.

"You are so bad." Tony said.

"Oh really? Maybe I deserve a spanking." he perked his ass up teasingly, Tony quickly pulled him back to his lap.

"Maybe you do…"

--

Shuichi and Tony were in one car, Hiro and Suguru in another one. The keyboardist clearly upset about the whole situation. "Hiro, do you even know where the hell are we going?"

"Nope."

"And you're okay with it?"

"Yup."

"Well I'm not, who does he think-"

"Listen you, I told you the same thing I was told, now would you just shut the fuck up?!"

Suguru was in shock; he has never seen Hiro this angry. He stared at the stern expression on the guitarist's face; to say he was fascinated by it was an understatement

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled, but Shuichi has been my friend for years and I trust him, you should too."

Both cars came to a stop in front of a huge elegant house, "Wow, is this where we are going to live?" Shuichi's big purple orbs stared out the car window.

"I hope you like it. I had them remodel the house to your liking."

The four men entered the residence where Hisashi and his wife were waiting; after they greeted the guests they took Shuichi's luggage to put it away.

They were all seated in the living room. It was silent and the four men couldn't help but feel a bit awkward. "Suguru," Shuichi spoke first in an exited manner, "I think you're the only one that hasn't been introduced, this is Tony he's my-"

"What? Your new boy toy? You're such a whore." said Fujisaki rolling his eyes.

The singer's expression changed, his eyes narrowed, "I see that you still think you're some big shit," he walked up to his band mate and sat on his lap placing his hands around the younger male's neck, "let me clear a few things for you. He's my lover and your new boss so he deserves some respect. If you're not willing to do that then you can crawl back into your cousin's ass." he was speaking in a very low voice, Suguru could feel the warm breath close to his ear, "But I'm a reasonable person so I'm going to leave you with some advice, boy, don't fuck with me, if you do I'll make sure you don't ever play again, not even at the local bar, got it." Shuichi gave a petrified Suguru a smile, the coldest smile he'd ever seen, not even Tohma's could compare.

Shuichi took his seat next to Tony as if nothing happened, ignoring the look on Hiro's face. They talked for over an hour without interruptions about the way they were going to proceed. "I'm going to take a shower and go take a nap, would you keep them company for a while?" the vocalist asked his lover.

"Not a problem, go rest. Mizuki will show you the way around."

When Hiro saw Shuichi turn the corner of the hallway he gathered the courage to ask a few things, "What the hell was that? When did he go psycho?"

"He's not psycho, he's just…" even he was puzzled by Shuichi's actions. It puzzled everyone who the former pink haired man could to go from a happy smiling person to an infuriated one, "Look I only know what he has told me about Yuki Eiri. That person did something to him that left him scarred… and that scares me. I don't want him to suffer anymore."

"Are you in love with him?" the red haired asked.

"Very much in love, although I don't know where his feelings are." he sounded a bit saddened.

"Is it true," Suguru finally spoke, "Are you our new boss?"

"I'm afraid so little one."

"But my cousin, he is our boss right?"

"Not anymore, he just doesn't know yet." a faint smile, "Make yourself at home, if you need anything call Mizuki or Hisashi okay?" Tony left the two men to go check on Shuichi.

He found Shuichi sleeping in the room that was specially designed for him, it was a rock star's room and he fit right in. Tony didn't want to make Shuichi feel pressured to anything so they each had their own room even though he wished for nothing more than to wake up next to him. He softly kissed the boy's lips, trying not to wake him from his slumber. "Welcome home Shuichi." was all that he whispered.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey! Don't forget to write a review.

Huggles


	7. I am loved

**A/N : **Hey people I'm back. I'm sorry I took so long but this chapter was very difficult to write, I kept re-writing it until I got right - I hope I got it right (looks around nervously) - anyhow I hope you enjoy it.

Like always a huge thanks to Inu-midoriko for her beta skills and support - you're great Inu.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gravitation or any of it characters, except for Tony and Takeshi, those two are all mine...rawr

**Warnings:** Lemon alert, if you're not down with some male/male action then skip it.

Okay now that that's out of the way carry on.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 7: I am loved **

After a most needed nap, Shuichi woke up refreshed and quite hungry. He made his way around the unfamiliar house looking for the kitchen when he bumped into Mizuki. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so clumsy sometimes." he laughed, "Can you tell me where the kitchen is?"

"Follow me young master." the woman said with a small bow.

"I'm Shuichi Shindou, but Shuichi is fine. You don't have to add the master, it makes me feel old." Shuichi put one hand on the back of his head and smiled nervously.

"I'll make the young master something to eat."

"No don't," he said, "I'll do it myself, besides I want to get to know where everything is. Thank you anyway." he bowed slightly before dismissing the woman.

The singer fixed himself a sandwich and a big glass of milk and as he was eating, his mind started to wander around, 'I wish I knew what went through Yuki's mind when he saw me?' without noticing it, he let out a sigh, 'He looked different… something was different, what I saw in his face…I wonder…'

Suddenly he lost all interest in his meal, "And why should I care?" he told himself.

He looked at the milk he had poured himself and pursed his lips, ignoring the beverage completely on the kitchen table, "I need a beer," he looked inside the fridge, "nothing."

He searched for something to drink hopefully high in alcohol. "No scotch, no bourbon, no vodka... he hid all of it." he said while searching the apparently empty bar.

'Maybe it's a good thing Shuichi, you know what happens when you drink.'

He shook his head, "Nothing happens, I get _happy_ that's all."

'You know better than that, you drink and then... God knows what kinds of things you do.'

"And who the fuck cares? I know I don't… damn it there's not a fucking thing to drink here," One by one he opened the cabinets, each producing nothing, "I want just one drink, anything would do. A shot of tequila, anything." he got increasingly angrier.

'Tony does care and he worries. That's why there's not a thing to drink in the house.' the two-sided, one-person conversation carried on for a few more minutes.

"It's all _his_ fucking fault! That bastard, he made me like this…" Shuichi's eyes filled up with tears. "God damnit," he yelled, "it shouldn't hurt this bad, it's over… Tony is with me and I'm retaking my career all is good now, right?" He sat on the cold kitchen floor with his arms tight around his knees. 'You can do this Shuichi Shindou. You have to do this, you're stronger than that, no hiding this time, no running away, got it?" He rocked back and forth breathing in and out, trying to control the urge, repeating the words Tony taught him, 'I am loved'.

--

Tony found Shuichi half asleep still mumbling those words, "Shu, what's wrong?" he asked lifting the singer's face.

The vocalist wrapped his arms around the photographer, "Nothing is wrong, not when you're with me."

"Why were you crying? You know you can talk to me." he petted the younger man's hair.

"I'm tired, that's all." he gave an obviously fake smile.

Tony chose to ignore that fact knowing well what could happen if he pressed the issue, "I'll take you to bed then." Tony lifted the singer and carried him to his bedroom, "You want me to stay with you?"

Shuichi shook his head, "Nah, I'm okay. I promise I'll be better in the morning."

Tony kissed him in the forehead, "G'night."

He walked out the room, closing the door behind him. He knew that it was going to be hard for Shuichi to be back home but he had insisted to come and he couldn't say no to him. He knew Shu had problems. He never told Tony the great majority, only the small stuff.

Tony knew about Yuki but not the entire story. He knew about Shuichi's drinking, not because he was told but because he found out the hard way. He knew the singer was angry not only at Yuki but at other people too. He had no idea who exactly, and he would not ask either.

Shuichi was a puzzle he had to put together even if he was afraid of the final product. He had to find out for himself what really happened to him while in that relationship.

--

A few days had passed already and Shuichi seemed to be doing better, "Moooorning Tony," he said with a big smile.

"Good morning," he received one of Shuichi's signature kisses, "sit with me for breakfast."

Mizuki brought fruit and juice, because that's what Shuichi was eating lately for breakfast, she refilled Tony's cup and left the two men alone, "I have news," Tony spoke first.

"What about?" Shuichi asked chewing on a piece of fruit.

"As of tomorrow you and your band start practice at the NG studios," he looked at Shuichi who almost choked on a piece of kiwi.

"How the hell did you pulled that off?" the singer asked in disbelief.

"I had a meeting with Tohma Seguchi, we talked about a few things and after some _negotiations_ we came into an agreement. You guys are still very much part of NG, and Tohma is still the one doing most of the dealings, but he has to consult me for everything from your tours down to what brand of glitter you'll be using."

Shuichi's was in shock, "Uhm, Tony, what exactly did you do?"

"I have no idea what you mean." he smiled behind his cup of coffee, "Mr. Seguchi and I are civilized, business people. I'm sure you can understand that."

Shuichi not at all satisfied with the answer lifted an eyebrow and said, "Tony, do you honestly think I buy that?"

The photographer placed his cup down, "I'll let you in a little secret," he leaned forward, "I know some people that know some things that Seguchi wants to keep quiet. I just poked a little here and there, you know, dug up some graves, summoned a few ghosts from the past, nothing much."

The singer stood up and said "My hero," like some cartoon damsel just rescued from a dragon.

"Call your friends, go out, and enjoy your last day as a couch potatos."

Shuichi sat on Tony's lap, "FYI I've been exercising, Takeshi has been giving me fighting lessons, which is a good thing for my cardio resistance and my breathing. Not to mention stress."

"Is that so…?" he eyed Takeshi suspiciously, "well I guess he's only doing his job which is to obey you and look after you," he raised his voice a bit, just enough to make sure that Takeshi got the message, "he's your dog after all."

"C'mon Tony don't be mean, or is it that you're jealous?" he poked Tony's forehead.

"Shu, don't start with me…" he warned the singer.

The singer licked Tony's lips, "Or you'll do what?" he challenged, "Will you punish me for being a very, very bad boy?"

"Shuichi-" he felt the singer's lips over his making him forget about any thought. He found himself been straddled by the singer, feeling his need close to his. Tony's hands wandered down Shuichi's back until they reached his derriere, Tony stood up carrying the singer with him to the bedroom.

Once inside the bedroom their kiss became more ardent and their hands started to wander each other's bodies. Shuichi broke the kiss for an instant, long enough to whisper, "Make love to me."

Although they had kissed and teased each other numerous times they had only done it once, in Spain. Whether it was Shuichi's fear to ruin the good relationship they had or Tony not wanting to pressure an already emotionally fragile man, those concerns where now on the back of their minds.

Now he wanted to make love to him, not like in Spain where, although it was great, it was more of an impulse. This time he wanted to go slow, he wanted to discover the singer down to every centimeter of skin.

Shuichi untied Tony's hair - he loved to grab hold of the long dark locks - he brushed his tongue over the older male's lips tasting them before forcing them apart, pushing his hot tongue inside the wet cavern, while Tony's hands tried to undo the buttons of that unnecessary and frustrating shirt. Opting to rip it open when the third button wouldn't cooperate, thankfully the pants were far more cooperative with his impatient fingers.

They tried to walk together to the bed but Shuichi stumbled backwards causing their lips to part, the smaller man lay flat on his back, half lidded violet eyes gazing up at Tony. His legs dangling over the edge of the bed, and his arms raised above his head. How was it possible for the singer to look so innocent and so lewd at the same time was beyond the photographer's understanding.

Shuichi proved to be irresistible to Tony, who lowered himself slowly to reach once again the singer's lips. Tony wanted to relish in the pleasure that loving Shuichi gave him. He wanted to take this man, the same man that invaded his every thought, every dream. He desired him with every fiber of his body. He wanted him all to himself, he wished to possess not only his body, but also his heart.

Shuichi tangled his fingers on Tony's hair and deepened the kiss. Tony ran his hands all over the singer's naked body, which seemed ready to burst from anticipation; he traced Shuichi's neck with his tongue down to his nipples, making a pattern - lick, bite, and kiss. The photographer continued to administer the same treatment on the gorgeous body underneath him until he reached the singer's manhood causing him to let out a loud groan.

Shuichi felt his mind go blank, only the pleasure Tony was giving him took possession of his senses. He was overwhelmed by the way that tongue ran along his length, how that mouth surrounded his cock with unbelievable heat, "Gods Tony…" he said panting heavily. Tony's response was a low, "Hmmm", that sent vibrations through his member. Shuichi bit on his knuckle while the older male swirled his tongue around the tip of his erection, almost teasingly, before slowly engulfing the entire member with his mouth once again. Shuichi said his lover's name over and over again while bucking his hips, thrusting himself inside that warm mouth.

Shuichi moaned, "Oh god…Tony…I'm…nnn…" he arched his back, the sheets tightly clenched in his fists, and with one last groan he came. His orgasm hitting the back of his lover's throat. Shuichi watched as Tony swallowed most of his seed, the older male lifted his head ever so slowly to face his lover, cum dripping from his slightly parted lips. The sight was incredibly hot for the singer, Tony looked like another person, only Shuichi was able to awaken this side of him, the uninhibited, unrestrained lover.

Tony stood up facing his lover who watched intently as he slowly unzipped his pants. Once he was rid of all items of clothing, he positioned himself back on top of the singer and reached down to kiss Shuichi who tasted himself in his lover.

Tony looked at the aroused man underneath him panting and impatient. He ran his hands up Shuichi's lean legs, caressing the singer's inner thighs before spreading them apart. With no words spoken Shuichi let him know that there was no need for Tony to prepare him. Tony grabbed a bottle of lube from his drawer, letting the liquid drip freely onto his cock before spreading said substance on it, Shuichi's lustful eyes fixed on the man before him.

Shuichi felt his body be filled by the hard member, slowly, even though Tony wanted to ram himself into that body he still took care into being as gentle as possible. He kept still for minute, his pelvis flushed with the singer's ass, giving the singer time to adjust before starting to move.

The singer bucked his hips impatiently and Tony complied by sliding himself almost all the way out and thrusting himself back in. Their bodies started to move in unison, sending waves of pleasure through their beings. Their sweaty skin shimmering, flushed, heated. The house was filled by the moans and cries of the two who didn't care if the servants and bodyguards were listening. Time stood still for them. People didn't exist. Yuki Eiri didn't exist.

Shuichi whispered in Tony's ear, "…I belong… to you… now," Tony's hot, heavy body covering his gave Shuichi a sense of wholeness. His body reveled with every touch from Tony because there was no Yuki, no fear, no hate. His world now gyrated around this man, and his heart only felt extreme happiness.

The older male pushed himself into the smaller body again and again hitting that sweet spot every time, driving Shuichi wild. He wanted this side of Shuichi for himself. This was their special moment, and he felt like Shuichi was finally letting go of the past; that he was giving himself to the feelings Tony had to offer.

Or was he?

No, he had to believe. He had to. Shuichi was now his of his own accord. He said it himself. But still there was that doubt…

He stroked the boy's neglected erection following the rhythm of his own thrusts, "I love you…Shuichi," he whispered into his ear.

"…ahhh…Tony…I'm…mmm…" he wasn't able to put a coherent sentence together anymore, and hearing his name said with such a charming accent was robbing him of the last shreds of sanity that remained in his being.

"Nnhh…I love…you…Shuichi…" those whispered words, the same words he wanted to hear so many times before but were never said, were all the singer needed. One final thrust and they came together, the singer's spilling his juices on his lover's hand, his body filled at the same time with his lover's warm seed. His body felt light, like if he was floating, he felt reborn.

Shuichi stared at the man laying on top of him, the same man that had retrieved a part of him that he thought he'd never regain. He relieved what had just transpired, his fingers tracing his lover's visible muscles. Although he felt satisfied, he also wanted more, he needed more, more of that feeling of completion, of absolute joy.

He didn't notice his thoughts were arousing him once more, but Tony did, it was as if he could read Shuichi's mind.

Shuichi watched as Tony lifted a finger dripping in the still warm cum and placed it in his mouth licking it clean, "Mmmm, you taste delicious, Shuichi", he was not disappointed with the singer's reaction.

The vocalist licked his lips. "Why do you have to be so fucking hot?" the sight had made him even more horny.

"We can stop," Tony said, "if you want to."

"Of course I don't want to stop." Shuichi quickly grabbed the photographer, pulling the man closer to him.

They lied on the bed with their bodies wrapped around each other, still joined at that special place, just looking at each other. "You have no flaws, do you?" Shuichi asked, caressing Tony's face with the back of his hand. He tenderly kissed his lover and tried to remember if Yuki was ever this close to him after making love.

"Obviously I don't," he said with a chuckle.

"I hope you never regret to have fallen in love with me." Shuichi said with a saddened tone.

"And why would I regret loving you?" Tony brushed a few stray strands of hair from the singer's face, "Besides, I can't help it. I'm an incurably, romantic Latino, who believes in love at first sight." he said with a dramatically exaggerated accent as he basked in the violet gaze of his lover, and then he said, "Shuichi, you are loved."

They spent most of the morning making love to each other, memorizing their bodies, their scents, and their taste. Leaving imprints on their hearts, crawling under each other's skin. The room was filled by the scent of sex, by moans of pleasure, by lust filled looks, by tempting caresses, and enticing words. Walking a fine line between tender lovemaking and primal sexual indulgence until they both fell asleep, satiated in very possible way, together.

--

By the time Shuichi woke up two hours had already passed. He looked lovingly at the man lying next to him sleeping so soundly. He tiptoed his way out of the room, before closing the door he took one more look at his lover. For a split second the image of Tony was replaced by someone else, someone he did not know. He shook his head and looked again. He sighed as he saw Tony stir a bit; he closed the door and made his way to the shower.

After a most needed shower, Shuichi went to his room to retrieve his cell phone, he looked thru the few names programmed in the device until he reached the one he was looking for, he pressed call and let it ring, _"This is Hiroshi."_

The image of the other man had been constantly popping in the singer's head, like some old memory and it was bugging the hell out of Shuichi.

"Hey stranger," said Shuichi.

"_Hey, how's it goin'?"_

"We start practice tomorrow 8:00 am sharp at NG studios." the singer said bluntly.

_"You're kidding," _said the red hair.

"No, I'm quite serious." Shuichi started to fidget with the hem of his frayed jeans.

"_Holy shit! What did your man do, kill Seguchi?" _he laughed.

"Never mind that, I'll explain it to you when you come over." Shuichi started to get irritated, pulling at the stray threads. 'Who the hell was that man?'

"_I'm coming over? I don't remember-" _

Shuichi rubbed his temple, "Nakano," the singer never used that name with his friend but he found that it did shut him up long enough for him to talk, "listen to me, I need you to come over today and bring with you everything you got out of _his_ apartment, please."

"_No problem Shu, I'll see you… around five, is that okay?"_

"Fine,"

Getting more serious the guitarist asked, _"Shu, is everything alright?" _

The singer wanted nothing more than to say 'what do you care' but managed to say, "Yeah, is just a headache, see ya later 'kay?" only it wasn't a headache.

"_Later." _

--

Hiro still had his phone on his hand when it started ringing, "This is Hiroshi."

"_Nakano, it's me, Yuki." _Oh he knew who it was what he didn't know was why was he calling him, _"are you there?"_

"Oh I'm here, although I can't promise I'll be for much longer. One more surprise and I'm sure I'll have a stroke." he rummaged through the boxes from Yuki's apartment, putting them next to the door, "Now, tell me, what do you want? And make it short; I have other things to do." true that the red head was never nice to Yuki but now he didn't feel like talking to him, at all.

"_Can you…do you think I can ask for a favor?" _the novelist's voice got lower and lower with each word.

The guitarist froze, "Wait, are you fucking serious? _You_ asking _me_ for help? You, who did who-knows-what to my friend. I swear, you have balls, not tiny balls, huge fucking balls for asking me for a favor."

"_Please Hiro, I don't know who else to ask, please, just come to my apartment and hear me out… I love him… I do…" _

The coldest man on all Japan is crying and begging, at the same time. With every second that passed Hiro thought of that impending stroke that was looking rather close now, "I don't know why I'm actually doing this, but fine, when?"

"_Today, now if you want to." _The man sounded desperate.

"See you in thirty minutes." Hiro ended the call, and flopped in his couch, "Man, is going to be a long fucked-up day."

------------

**A/N:** So how was it? You know the drill, reviews are greatly appreciated. See you in chapter 8. Before I forget - I'm not been mean to Hiro, Shuichi is angry and you'll find out later on why.

Buh-bye


	8. Bittersweet

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gravitation, but if Murakami-sensei is willing to share I would be more than happy to own Ryuichi (fantasizing of the things I could to to him) Oh, Tony and Takeshi are product of my imagination.

**Warnings:** None here. Aside for some foul language everything else is pretty mild.

**A/N: **Hi everyone -waves- So here I am finally updating, sorry if I took so long, I've been having horrible migraines. I'm somewhat lucid right now (migraine pills sends me into deep coma) so I better make this quick. To all of you who had been following the story, reading and reviewing, thank you. To my wonderful beta Inu-midoriko, a gigantic thanks and lots of chocolate.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 8: Bittersweet**

Yuki sat in his empty apartment, looking around and thinking of what was and what could've been. Every square inch of the place he called home had a memory, every room, every piece of furniture, everything had a memory of him and Shuichi. Some were happier than others, but still, they lingered, making Yuki's heart ache.

It didn't matter that not one thing remained of Shuichi because in his mind they were there. The strawberry scent shampoo in the bathroom, the candy hidden in the third shelf in the kitchen, the stack of CD's next to the stereo, all of it was still there. He could still hear Shuichi giggling… or sobbing. He could still smell his scent on the bed sheets after their lovemaking… and the metallic stench of blood after he had…

In the past months he had more than enough time to think and, in a way, repent for everything he did to the singer but that wasn't good enough. He needed to let Shuichi know how he felt, he wanted to try and mend their relationship if it was at all possible, but how?

'_Tohma'_, he thought, _'he should be able to help.' _He dialed his brother-in-law's number. He had helped him in the past so this time it shouldn't be any different. Right?

"_This is Tohma Seguchi." _

"Tohma," he said, "I need your help."

The blond immediately went into mother hen mode, _"What is it Eiri?" _

"You think… could you… I need to see him." he finally said, "I have to talk to-"

Tohma knew well whom the blond was referring to, _"Listen to me Eiri, the best thing you can do is forget about him." _his tone was different, he was opposed to the relationship in the beginning but this sounded downright strange.

"What do you mean by that?"

"_I mean exactly that. Stay away from him. Trust me in this, please." _

"Just forget it," Yuki hung up the phone, _'Stay away from him? Not now'._

He needed someone…

The novelist picked up his phone again and looked at the number he was about to dial, "It's a gamble but, what the hell do I have left to lose?" he listened as the phone ringed holding the device tightly.

"_This is Hiroshi."_

Yuki took in a deep breath, "Nakano, it's me Yuki."

--

Yuki was brewing some coffee when he heard a knock on his door, "I must have sounded pretty pathetic," he told the red head standing at his door.

"Pretty much," replied Hiro sarcastically.

"Coffee?"

"Why not."

Yuki closed the door after Hiro had entered the residence; Hiro followed him to the kitchen where the novelist was pouring the coffee in two mugs. The guitarist watched Yuki go around the apartment, grabbing his cigarettes and an ashtray. He disposed of the beer cans that lay around, _'Did he call me to watch him do house cleaning?'_, he thought, Yuki walked back to the kitchen and took a seat next to the guitarist, offering him a cigarette.

"Look," Hiro spoke first, lighting his cigarette, "I'm not sure what exactly you want, or why you think I can or will even consider helping you," he noticed Yuki searching his pockets for a light so he flicked his lighter and extended the flame to the novelist, "but I'm here and I have some time to spare so I'll listen to whatever it is you wanna say. Now talk."

Yuki took one long drag of his cigarette letting it fill his lungs before blowing the smoke out, "How is he? I mean… is he-"

"Is he still in love with you? I don't know. Is he okay? I don't know either. He's… I don't know, weird. What can I say; he scared Fujisaki shitless the other day… I just feel like I don't know him anymore, and it's all thanks to you." the red head eyed the novelist accusingly. "On top of that I found out today that we are still under NG's label thanks to Tony." Hiro noticed the question in Yuki's face, "That's right, you don't know… Tony is Shuichi's new man, you know the one that picked him up at the airport."

'_So that's the fucker's name.' _he thought, "Are they together, you know, like we were."

Boy was Hiro going to enjoy this one, "Nah, they're way better. Tony treats Shuichi like you never did, he's not afraid of telling him that he loves him, he doesn't run away when Shuichi is too much to handle, he doesn't cheat-"

With a crash Yuki's cup landed on the wall leaving a coffee trail running downwards, "I get it! I'm a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be looked at! I get it okay? You don't need to remind me."

"Whoa," Hiro was surprised at the blonde's sudden outburst, "you might be human after all." he said sarcastically, "Listen man, do you have any idea of how much he suffered because of you? Of course you don't, I'll tell you anyway. Thanks to you, he stopped being the happy kid that I knew all my life. About a year before he left, he started to miss work and when he did show up he reeked of alcohol. He would fall asleep in the middle of rehearsals and he even stopped dodging K's bullets and told Seguchi to fuck off. It's like he had a death wish or something. I'm sure you must have noticed it too, didn't you?"

Truth is he had noticed. Shuichi had stopped crying and begging him stop drinking and start his therapy sessions again. He stopped questioning him about his infidelities; he wasn't intimidated anymore and he fought back, even if it was subconsciously. And Yuki also noticed that he had started to drink. He would disappear at times showing up days later, disoriented, either wearing the same clothes or someone else's not only smelling of beer and smokes but also sex.

In a particular occasion Shuichi had left the NG building on a Thursday sometime after four. He had called the author asking him for a ride but Yuki, of course, refused and delivered a load of insults to the singer. Shuichi simply hung up. The novelist been the conceited person he was thought that Shuichi would hail a cab and come home to be insulted all over again.

Wrong.

He hailed no cab and he did not come home that day…or the next day…or the day after that… He walked in on the Sunday, past one in the afternoon, glazed eyes, his hair was a mess, and he wore the same shirt from Thursday. The pants, that was a different story, Yuki knew those were not his; they were at least a size bigger. That's when he realized that Shuichi was sleeping around, like he was.

The novelist shook the memories out of his head, finally answering, "Yeah… Nakano I need to see him, I have to talk to him."

"Ha, like that's going to happen"

"Tell me where he lives, I'm sure he'll see me."

Hiro laughed, "Sure, just tell me what kind of flowers you like."

Yuki had no idea why that was relevant, "Why?"

"So that I know which ones to bring to your funeral."

"Are you high?"

"No, not at all," the guitarist tried to compose himself, "if you go anywhere near Shuichi, Takeshi will kill you, or seriously wound you. Which ever fits his mood," he said nonchalantly.

"Who?"

"Right, I forgot you are way out of the loop. Takeshi is Shu's bodyguard; think of him like K, but silent and mysterious, tall with broad shoulders, short dark hair, tanned skin, extremely hot… I mean dangerous, very, very dangerous." Hiro blushed and mentally cursed himself for saying that aloud.

"Okay, _that_ was awkward." said the writer, "do you have any suggestions or are you having too much fun at my expense?"

The guitarist picked up his helmet, "Listen, you're a writer, a _romance_ novelist for cryin' out loud. Why don't you do something you're good at? Write. Write him a letter since you are not the best at talking. If it helps - and again I don't know why I'm doing this - I'll be willing to give it to him, I'm going to his place today at around five o'clock, call me and I'll stop by."

The novelist accompanied the red head to the door, "Nakano," he paused.

"Don't sweat it," he knew that the writer had already spoken more than usual, and that a simple thanks would feel like acid in the novelist's tongue, "Just don't fuck things up. And don't get used to me helping you, this is a one shot deal, it may help me accumulate some good karma."

"Fine." Yuki closed the door and lit another cigarette, "Write, he says. Easier said than done."

The blond walked to his study sitting in front of the computer, "Nah," he said closing the laptop, "it would look too cold and impersonal." Yuki opened a drawer and pulled out a note pad and a pen.

_Dear Shuichi:_

_I'm sorry for everything_

"That's no good," he tore the page out.

_Shuichi:_

_I still love y_

"Argh," he crumpled the piece of paper.

_Dear Shu:_

_Why don't you come back home with _

"Fuck! I sound like an ass," he yelled while ripping the page into little pieces.

'_Think Eiri, what do you really want to say?' _Yuki sat with his eyes closed, regretting yesterday. He thought of today, and hoped for tomorrow when he felt a stray tear rolling down his cheek.

"Now I know what it is that he needs to know." picking up his pen he wrote the most important words of his life.

--

Tony opened his eyes expecting to see Shuichi lying next to him; instead he found an empty space where the singer was supposed to be. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and put them on. The photographer started to panic, thinking that Shuichi was having second thoughts about a relationship or maybe…

"Stop been so negative." he told himself.

But how was he supposed to be positive when he was the only one in love? When he didn't know where Shuichi's heart was, or what he felt for him. Was it gratitude? Was it a crush? Or was Tony a replacement for Yuki, like some convenient fuck in the meantime?

Shuichi sat on the couch writing on his notebook when he felt Tony embracing him from behind the couch, "Hey," he said, "the bed feels too cold if you're not there."

Shuichi extended his arms behind his head to encircle Tony's neck, "I've only been gone for a little while."

"I know but I missed you already." said the older male nuzzling the singer's neck.

The singer couldn't help but feel strange. Yuki never missed him, he never said 'I love you', and he definitely never, **ever** cuddled.

Shuichi shook the thought out of his head, after all this wasn't Yuki. He would not compare such a wonderful person with him. "Then I'll have to make it up to you." the singer turned enough so he was able to pull his lover down in a passionate kiss.

When their lips parted he looked straight at Tony's eyes. They were so full of love, so full of hope, but they were also full of need, a need that was not physical but emotional. "Tony, I…" _'Why can't I say it?'_ "Tony, I think I…" he tried again but couldn't bring those words out.

Tony knew well what Shuichi was trying to say, he also knew well why he couldn't, "You don't," he said, and although he was still smiling, in his eyes Shuichi could see his pain. Tony kissed the top of the singer's head, "I have to get ready, I have a meeting with Seguchi this afternoon."

Shuichi watched as the photographer moved farther from him. He quickly jumped to his feet walking towards his lover, reaching for him, "Tony I…" he started to say when he was interrupted by Mizuki, who handed Tony the phone saying it was a call from Spain.

Shuichi just stood there as Tony spoke in spanish, "This is Antonio… when?… and what happened with Delia?… no, no, no, that's no good…" he cursed, at least Shuichi understood those, "…then I have no choice… yeah…okay… I'll be there as soon as I can… of course she's fired… aha… see you soon… bye." he cursed again, Shuichi wasn't sure if he should try to comfort the man or just do nothing.

He reached to the photographer, "Is something wrong?"

For the first time Tony glared at the singer, "Yes something _is_ very wrong!" he yelled.

Shuichi flinched.

"Please, just let me be." Tony turned his back on the singer and continued walking to his bedroom.

He sat on his bed with his elbows on his knees staring at the floor when he saw smaller feet occupying the space between his own, "Sorry I yelled," he said, keeping his head low.

"No, I'm the one that's sorry," Shuichi closed the distance between the two, "I'm sorry for causing you such heartache and for not been able to love you as much as you love me." Tony wrapped his arms tightly around Shuichi's waist and buried his face on the singer's abdomen but didn't say a word, "You are special to me and I don't want you to be sad because of me." the hold around his waist got tighter, "Please don't hate me," his words came between sobs, "if you're patient I'm sure one day… I promise that I'll keep trying. I promise."

Tony lifted his head and Shuichi saw that he was trying to hold back tears. The singer placed a very tender kiss on his lover's lips, "I want to love you with all my heart. I want it to be yours."

The older male felt how sincere those words were and he pulled the singer by the shirt and said, "What have you done to me?" in tears, before trapping the singers lips once more, mixing the salty tears with the bittersweet kiss.

--

Hey, so how was it? If you liked it review. If you didn't review and tell me why. If you're neutral stop by and say hi 'kay. Don't just sit there, GO!


	9. Secrets

**A/N: **Hi there. Nope, I'm not dead, at least I don't think so ::checks herself:: Sorry I've taken so long to update, I've had a lot going on at the same time and my damn computer was refusing to work for me ::sighs::

Anyways, I'm here with a new chapter, I hope that you find it at least readable. As always a big thanks to my lovely beta Inu-midoriko for all her help.

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own is my yummy cup of coffee, my insomnia, and my love of Yaoi. Gravitation doesn't belong to me.

**Warnings:** None at the moment

**Chapter 9: Secrets**

--

The sound of footsteps could be heard from inside the apartment, they got closer, each with a distinct clanking sound of the buckles that adorned the - no doubt - expensive biker boots. Hiro opened the unlocked door, "You called me just in time," he told the novelist, "I was on my way to Shuichi's."

Yuki sat on his sofa, cigarette dangling on his lower lip. He picked up an envelope from the coffee table. The novelist took a long drag from his cigarette; he looked right at the boots that announced the guitarist arrival, slowly exhaling the smoke he moved his eyes up Hiro's legs, noticing how tight those leather pants were. "Here," he said removing his eyes from the red head before the situation got awkward, "this is for him."

Hiro took said item. It wasn't anything fancy. A plain white envelope with the words 'To Shuichi From Yuki' in very nice handwriting, "You actually did it," he said almost sarcastically, "and it only took you a couple of hours. I'm impressed."

"Fuck you." he retorted, earning a glare from the red head, "I know, I know… I'm just tired." he said rubbing his temple. His eyes were bloodshot, but it didn't appear to be from tiredness.

"Have you been crying?" the guitarist asked, arching a brow.

"Why do you care?" barked the blond.

"Whoa, now I'm sure my end is near."

" What the hell you babbling about?"

"Nothing," he chuckled, "gotta go now." he tucked the letter in his jacket's front pocket.

As the guitarist exited the apartment Yuki called his name. The red head turned around to face a Yuki he hadn't seen before. In his, face guilt was etched, and he said "Thank you."

Hiro waved a hand and disappeared into the elevator, smiling to himself and thinking of how Shuichi would react to this Yuki.

The novelist walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, in search for a beer, when he remembered, "That's right, I don't drink anymore." he chuckled and started brewing a fresh pot of coffee.

He remembered seeing Shuichi at the airport, kissing another man, being touched by someone else, and enjoying it. He tried to give the man a face but couldn't, he was too far away and _that_ Tony was giving his back to Yuki.

He then remembered how weird Tohma acted when he said he wanted to see Shuichi; "I guess I should pay him a visit later."

--

Shuichi sat on Tony's bed wrapped in a blanket, watching as the older male prepare a suitcase, "So, you're leaving." he asked with a tad of sadness.

"I have to," he tried not to look at the singer. This was already too difficult.

"I understand," Shuichi slid his jeans on and picked up the rest of his clothes from the floor, "I guess I should clean myself up. Hiro will be here any minute." he smiled a fake smile and left the room. Tony still didn't look, busying himself with tossing items in his suitcase.

This time around Shuichi didn't care for a shower, he just wiped himself clean and threw on a pair on clean pants, the singer could hear Tony asking for his private jet to be ready first thing in the morning, "He really is leaving," he whispered running a damp hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to suppress the tears. His body trembled and all of those feelings started to surface. He felt betrayed, abandoned, and unnecessary. He felt his lips dry from thirst but it wasn't water what he craved, _"I need a drink…" _he shook his head,his grip on the sink got tighter, _"I can't… I can't go back to that."_

Shuichi took deep breaths, which he released slowly and his eyes closed. He gripped the sink tightly and whispered, "I can do this, I can do this…" over and over again.

And while those words paraded in his mind an image started to form, it was the same image as before, but now it was clearer.

He could see a man asleep, his body barely covered by the sheets, his back was to Shuichi. He had messy, copper colored hair reaching to his nape, and his exposed skin looked almost too perfect, too alluring. He knew that that man wasn't Yuki, but he didn't remember was who he was…

There was a knock on his bathroom door snapping the singer back to reality, "Young master," said Mizuki, "your friend has arrived."

"Tell him… Tell him I'll be there in a minute," he looked at his reflection staring back at him with eyes he had not seen in a while, eyes that were cold and empty. There was no joy, no hope. Nothing… again. Just empty eyes.

--

Shuichi walked down the hallway until Hiro was in his line of vision, "Hey," he said dryly.

"Hey," the red head looked at his friend, "Am I interrupting anything?"

"Nah," Shuichi flopped down on his sofa, "did you bring my stuff?"

"Yeah, one of your guys is carrying it." Hiro watched his friend staring at the wall across from him, "Is something wrong Shu?"

"Not really," he signalled Takeshi to put the boxes by him, "Tony's going back to Spain."

"What?! Why?" the red head said in shock.

Shuichi counted the boxes, "Is this everything?"

"Shuichi…"

"I'm not sure, something about him leaving some woman in charge of his affairs. Apparently she didn't do her job well," the singer rummaged through the boxes, "something about breach of contract… anyway the point is he has to go take care of his things… besides I can't keep him from his business. That would be selfish of me…" he shrugged.

"Shu…" Hiro contemplated his friend's face; he knew that by the sound of his voice the singer was sad but his face showed no sign of it.

The singer opened the first of the boxes; it was labelled **'Music'**. The things inside were obviously related to music: CD's, lyrics written in anything from paper to napkins. He smiled as he read an old song, it was one written when he was fourteen, not very good at all.

The second box was labeled **'My life'**; it was filled with old pictures, scrapbooks, school stuff, etc. He showed Hiro a picture from when they were still in middle school, "Your hair was ugly," he teased.

"If you show that to anyone I'll kill you." Hiro warned snatching the picture from his friend who giggled like he used to long ago when he was happy. Before Yuki clawed his way inside the singer's heart.

Sometimes Hiro wished he could turn back time, back to when they were in high school and music was just a dream and Shuichi's only worry was to make it home in time or avoid falling asleep in class. Those were good times. But he had to go to that god forsaken park and drop his lyrics. And Yuki just had to pick them up and say one of his damn comments. That night was the beginning…

"Ouch," he yelled, rubbing his leg, "what was that for?"

"You were spacing out," the singer said waving the scrapbook that he had used to smack Hiro with.

He moved on to box number three, labeled **'Keepsakes'**, this one had lots of things he had collected over the years: Nittle Grasper memorabilia, tickets for Bad Luck's first concert, one of Ryuichi's rings, little things with big meanings, "Hey, d'you remember when we snuck out to see their concert?" Shuichi handed him one of the various Nittle Grasper posters.

"How can I forget, when I got home my mom pulled my hair in all directions and beat the hell out of me. Boy was she angry. I was grounded for the rest of the school year." Shuichi laughed, remembering that he too got his lights punched out by his mother _and_ his sister.

Tony had walked out of the room but when he heard Shuichi laughing decided not to intrude, he stood in the hallway far enough so he wouldn't be seen.

Shuichi got to box number four, the one he hesitated to open, the one labeled **'Life with Yuki'**. He traced the words on the cardboard box with his finger, "Nostalgia is a terrible thing," he said, taking a deep breath as he opened the box.

The singer pulled out his coffee mug, the one he brought with him when he moved in with Yuki, only now it didn't have a handle. That mug had gone through a lot. Under the mug was one of Yuki's books it was signed _'To my strawberry baka with love from Eiri'_ he traced the words with his fingers before placing the book on the coffee table. He pulled an old button up shirt from the box, "I wore this after…," he paused to press the fabric to his face, inhaling deeply, "…his cologne…"

Tony felt his heart skip a beat.

"It's not gonna do you any good to remember him." Hiro told his friend. He now struggled with whether if he should give the singer the letter or not.

Shuichi placed the shirt alongside the book, he took out a few other things. A picture of Yuki sitting in front of his computer, an empty heart shaped chocolate box, and his jewellery box. Inside the orange box were a couple of rings, a few bracelets, a watch, two gold chains, a platinum one, and a locket.

He opened the small trinket to reveal a picture of him and his ex, "I got this for my birthday," he told his friend, stroking the small picture, "it was in our second year together, our 'good year.' I insisted on taking a picture so he asked a girl to take it for us," he smiled, "and at the last second he kissed me." he closed the locket and placed it with the rest of his jewellery in its box.

Tony pushed himself off the wall quietly, he was now certain that he had to leave Shuichi to think about things and sort out his feelings. It hurt him, but he refused to have Yuki's leftovers. He wanted it all. All or nothing.

Shuichi got more agitated wiping away his tears roughly with the back of his hands. He kept tossing items here and there until, "Bingo," he said, the singer started to pull bottle after bottle of medication lining them up on top of the table, "damn, the Paxil is empty." he threw the bottle over the sofa, "Did you bring any of my old clothes?"

"They're in the suitcase. Shu, what the hell are all of those?"

"Medicine, duh." Shuichi rolled his eyes, he then opened the bag and looked through the items of clothing, "I knew it," he said, "My orange shirt is missing, and so is my pink vest and my brown leather pants."

"Shu, I asked you a question."

"And I answered it." he glared at Hiro, "I'm missing a box,"

"It's probably up in the attic. I have been fixing up the place, I'll bring it to you tomorrow."

"Mhmm," Shuichi was putting everything back inside the boxes, "that's fine."

Tony came carrying his luggage, handing it to Hisashi to be put in the car; Hiro took this as his cue to leave. But he still had to give Shuichi the letter, deciding that it wasn't his place to interfere, "Hey Shu, I think I'll be going now," he hugged the singer when he saw Tony turn around to talk to Hisashi, "read it when your alone, it's from Yuki." he whispered on the singer's ear, sticking the letter inside his pocket.

Shuichi opened his eyes as wide as it was humanely possible, but didn't speak. Hiro smiled at him warmly, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"_A letter from Yuki? But why?… Why now?"_ He felt his body tremble. Standing still in the same spot.

The singer heard the door close, and then there was silence. He looked around and saw Tony, his lips were moving but he couldn't hear him.

Silence.

Tony looked at him. His eyes were sad, Shuichi tried to say his name, he couldn't.

Silence.

Slowly he heard something break through the quietness within him.

Ba-dum.

It got louder.

Ba-dum.

His face felt moist. Why? Was it because Tony was leaving or because he had opened that box?

Was it because of Yuki?

No.

It wasn't possible. It was over. "Tony," he whispered. The older man looked at him, _"He can't go, not now." _he didn't notice his body moving towards the photographer, or the tears streaming down his face, "Take me with you." he said wrapping his arms around his lover's waist. Not wanting to face his past alone.

Tony returned the hug, "Not this time," he kissed the singer's forehead, "this time you have to do it on your own. While I'm gone I want you to think and make your choice." he released himself from Shuichi's arms, "Takeshi is staying with you, so you should be fine, okay?" he smiled. "I love you more than anything, Shuichi, but I can't make the choice for you."

Shuichi stood still as Tony placed a kiss on his lips, "I'm going to see Seguchi now, I have to go over the details with him before I go." Once again he heard the door close, and although he wasn't talking, inside he could hear himself screaming.

--

Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated.


	10. Resolution

**A/N: **Alas, chapter ten is here. Sorry for the extremely long wait, real life tends to get in the way of my writing lately. That and my muse apparently has gone on strike .

As always a big thanks to Inu-midoriko for beta-ing this story.

**Disclaimer: **I own: my coffee, insomnia, and my new cell phone (it's orange and reminds me of Naruto) Sadly I still don't own Gravitation.

**Warnings: **None at this time.

**--**

**Chapter 10: Resolution**

Tony made his way up to Seguchi's office at NG, once inside the elevator he thought of how his day had started.

It had gone from making sweet love to Shuichi, to having melancholic sex, and now. Now he was leaving him alone in the same city where his past love was.

It's not like he had a choice, he couldn't abandon his career. He had his obligations, his business. The person he trusted for the job had failed horribly. She forgot appointments, failed to show up at photo shoots and overall made a big mess. Now he had to try and mend relationships with important magazines and a few advertising companies, but first he had to deal with Tohma.

As he stared blankly at the numbered buttons been highlighted in red one after the other, he thought about how the singer would cope with been alone. Well, he wouldn't be alone technically, Mizuki and Takeshi were staying, and there was also Hiro. Still, he was going to be alone in a sense and that frightened him.

What if he starts drinking again?

No. He had already given order that no alcohol was to be allowed in the house, plus Takeshi was to keep an eye on him.

What about Yuki? He might want to find solace in him…

Over that he had no control. He was well aware that Shuichi would have to see Yuki at some point. It's not like he could keep him from the writer, after all they were lovers once. There was history between the two and if it came to Shuichi choosing Yuki over him, well, then he had no business being here.

The elevator bell signaled his arrival at the top floor.

After seeing the way Shuichi smelled the lingering aroma in that old shirt belonging to his ex, how he still cherished the memories of their lovemaking, it made him recognize that no matter how much he wished it, there was a chance that Shuichi will choose to give that relationship a second chance.

He saw the sizeable mahogany doors get closer and closer as he walked towards them.

If that happened, if Shuichi chose Yuki over him…

No. He had to believe, he had to convince himself that the singer would not chose to go back into a relationship that only brought misery to his life. A relationship that almost ended his career, that turned him into an alcoholic. A relationship that left an open wound in his heart.

He knocked on the door.

For whatever time he had left to be with his lover…

That's right, Shuichi was _his _lover not Yuki Eiri's, Yuki was 'the ex', the 'has been', 'the past'. Tony was the now, and Tony was going to be the future, Shuichi's future. He was going to do whatever was in his power to prove his love, starting now.

"Come in," said Seguchi.

The photographer opened the door, "Good afternoon Seguchi-san." he closed the door behind him.

"Good afternoon Mr. Cortez." Seguchi signaled the man to have a seat. Seguchi looked as calm as ever, "Can I offer you something to drink?"

"I appreciate the gesture but no." Tony responded with a smile.

"Mind if I do?" Tohma asked the man across from him.

"Not at all."

Both men studied each other, smiling like if they were old friends while going through papers and signatures, but in reality they wanted to cut each other's throats. They were true businessmen. Rich, powerful, manipulative, and scarier than hungry sumo wrestlers.

"I hope you find the new terms reasonable," asked Tony, "there are no big changes."

Seguchi reviewed the papers in front of him, "No, everything seems fine."

"Good, then as promised," he handed the blond a yellow envelope, "this are all the pictures."

Tohma took a look inside, "Are you sure?"

"You keep your end of the bargain and I keep mine," he narrowed his dark brown eyes, "if you don't, let's say things could get complicated for a certain friend of yours."

Seguchi nodded, "I only have a question, how did you get hold of this?"

"Did you forget I'm a photographer?" Tony answered sarcastically, "But if it will satisfy your curiosity I'll tell you. I happen to know the crime scene investigator that took those pictures, a few drinks, feed the guy some bullshit, and voila. Just remember this, the case is what they call 'an unsolved case', you wouldn't want me to give the investigation a turn, would you?"

Seguchi kept his smile in place, a little tighter, but it was still considered a smile, "I'm a man that keeps his word Mr. Cortez. As for Shindou, don't worry about him; he would have the same treatment as my other employees minus K's bullets, of course, or me pushing him too hard. I will still expect him to work to the fullest."

"And you should, Bad Luck is your best selling band, if they don't perform accordingly you can indeed dismiss them, after all this is a business."

"How pleasant to find a person with my same vision." the hypocrisy-meter was going out of control.

"Before I go I should warn you," he said while standing up, "I'll be gone for an unspecified amount of time, Shuichi will be accompanied at all times by Takeshi, his bodyguard, let's say he does his job extremely well, he's not a man you want to cross. Just thought you should know." he said with a smirk, "One more thing, under no circumstances is Shuichi allowed to consume any alcohol, at all."

"That won't be a problem," as both men continued their conversation the office door opened.

An obviously angered Yuki entered the office, "Why the hell did you order security not to let me in?" he yelled.

Seguchi's smile was gone that instant, "Eiri…" he said while shoving the envelope inside a drawer in an attempt to hide it.

Tony turned to face the writer, his expression the same as before, "Apparently our meeting will have to be cut short Seguchi-san."

Yuki stared at the man before him; there was something oddly familiar about him. He looked at his brother-in-law who was looking rather pale, "What the hell are you playing at?"

The synth player pulled himself together hoping that Yuki didn't notice his concern, "Eiri, you are very rude. Barging into my office like this, can't you see that I was in a very important meeting?"

The rivals looked at each other, "I believe we haven't been properly introduced," said Tony with a smile, "my name is Antonio Cortez, pleasure to meet you." Tohma was in shock, Tony was standing in front of Shuichi's ex, his first love, and yet, he smiled as if he was just another regular person.

Yuki raked his brain, he knew this guy from somewhere, and the name, it was so familiar, "I'm-" he started to say when Tony interrupted.

"The novelist Yuki Eiri, you are also Seguchi-san's brother-in-law. I know _everything_ about you." he smiled at those words.

After shaking hands with a very confused Yuki he turned to Tohma, "I'll leave now, it's almost time for dinner and Shuichi hates to eat alone," he smiled at Yuki, "as a matter of fact he must be waiting for me."

Yuki released the photographer's hand, his face contorted into something almost animalistic, and Seguchi almost pulled a Sakano. Tony's smiled was now accompanied by a pair of brown menacing eyes, "Gentlemen, if you excuse me," said Tony, although he wanted nothing more than to stay and toy with the writer some more.

Yuki grabbed the retreating form, "Now wait a goddamn minute, what the hell is going on here?" He turned to look a Tohma.

"I recommend you let go of me," said Tony, the smile gone.

"Or what?!" said Yuki.

"Or I'll be forced to make you let go." The keyboardist, started to lose his patience at the distasteful display of male supremacy.

The blond writer raised his fist and so did Tony.

"Eiri Uesugi!!" yelled Tohma, "That's enough."

Tony pulled his arm free from Yuki's grasp, "I'm sorry about this Seguchi-san, apparently your brother-in-law has some self-control issues." he smirked.

"Please, if you don't mind, leave me alone with him." He bowed slightly.

Tony nodded, "Just remember our conversation," he said before closing the door after him.

"The hell is going on here Tohma? First, you don't want me to see Shuichi and now you're all friendly with his new lover? Have you been infected with some rare virus?!" Yuki yelled, his face completely red in fury.

Tohma was losing his temper rather quickly, "Sit down and shut up for once." he barked.

The novelist looked at him, it had been so long since he saw Tohma this angry, "Fine," he hated to feel scolded.

The older blond sat down on his luxurious chair, "Listen to me and listen well because I will not repeat myself," he looked directly at the novelist, "Shuichi Shindou will be returning to NG sometime this week, you are not to go near him, do you understand? I have an agreement with Mr. Cortez and I intend to respect that." Seguchi's gaze went soft, "You are my family and I want nothing more than for you to be happy, but above that is your safety, so if I have to make you suffer in order to keep you safe then I will."

"What on earth are you talking about? I don't need you holding my hand I'm an adult, capable-"

The older male threw the yellow envelope at Yuki, "take a look then." He walked to the bar to refill his glass with the strongest liquor he could find.

The novelist opened said envelope and as soon as he did he went pale, "What… what is this?"

"That is the reason why you need to do what I say."

"But… but how-"

"That's not important. What is important is that if you do anything to anger that man, not even I will be able to help you." Seguchi sat next to his brother-in-law, "Please Eiri, just let him go."

Yuki sat staring blankly at the graphic pictures in front of him, three men were lying on the ground in a pool of blood. One of them had his pants down to his ankles, the other was face down and holding a bottle of liquor. The third man sat on the floor, surrounded by his own blood shirt half undone and a ten-dollar bill in his hand. Yuki's stomach turned and he made a run for the bathroom. As he retched, he kept seeing the third man's face, a face from his past, Kitazawa's face.

--

Shuichi held the envelope tightly, he had been standing in front of the garbage can for fifteen minutes, his brain told him to get rid of it but his heart said to read it. He decided on listening to his brain and threw the white envelope in the trash. Soon the singer found himself walking to his bedroom but as soon as he reached the door his heart screamed at him, so he found himself again in front of the trash can only this time he had to decide whether to leave the letter with the trash or pick it up. The heart had won.

"I'm such a fool," he thought. The singer locked his bedroom door and sat on his bed, _"Oh, Yuki" _he thought as he caressed the envelope. Should he open it or should he not? Opening the letter and knowing it's contents will, no doubt, be like a betrayal to Tony, a man that not only loved him sincerely, but had helped him get out of a deep dark corner, the corner Yuki had put him in. But not opening it might be even worse for the singer, how could he possibly live with the uncertainty, wondering, asking himself and eventually regretting it.

Shuichi wasn't sure of how long had he been thinking and contemplating the envelope before he decided to open it. Slowly he ripped open the envelope, his heart raced and his lips felt dry. Half way through he heard the front door slamming shut and a familiar, "Tadaima,"

Shuichi quickly stood up; he looked around the room searching for a hiding place for the white envelope. He listened as the steps got closer, desperately searching for a safe place to put his possession. He folded the letter and placed it under the bedside table, hidden from prying eyes.

Tony got to the bedroom door, "Shu, are you in there?" he asked turning the doorknob, finding it locked. "Shuichi," he said louder, and just then the door opened.

Shuichi was yawning and scrubbing his eyes, "You're home," he said trying to hide his nervousness by posing as if he had just been awoken.

"Why did you lock the door?" he asked.

"Did I? Uhm, probably by accident, I was so tired…" his heart was racing and he struggle to not faint from the nerves.

Tony, who knew Shuichi too well, opted to ignore the feeling he had, the feeling that his lover was hiding something from him, "Sorry to wake you," he gave Shu a kiss on the forehead that almost made him cry from guilt. He felt so wrong to hide something from Tony, but he had to, at least for now.

"Shuichi," Tony said almost in a whisper.

"Y-yes," his lip trembled as he felt Tony's arms wrap around him.

"I met him," he said tightening his embrace, "I met Yuki."

TBC

--

So, how was it? Drop me a line and tell me


	11. Guilt

**First off: My apologies to all of you. I know I've been gone for months but unfortunately RL complications had kept me from writing. Lots of things happened one which included pain, meds and surgery. But enough about me, I just want to thank you for your patience. I've felt horrible all this time. Sorry T_T**

**A/N: **This chapter was half written quite sometime ago, it somewhat explains why Shu was angry at Hiro, why he left Yuki, and many other things. I'm responsible of any grammar errors, (there's an entire paragraph with intentional errors btw) I think is about time for me to stand on my own two feet. I have much to thank Inu-midoriko for, bearing with me for so long and helping me along the way.

**Warnings: **None for now

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. If I did Ryuichi would've been with me at the hospital.

**--**

**Chapter 11: Guilt**

"_I met Yuki" _those words kept ringing on the singer's ears like the incessant ringing of a bell. He wasn't aware of the single tear that started rolling silently down his cheek, but he was aware that he had been unable to look Tony in the eye and that he couldn't bring himself to release the tight grip on Tony's shirt, "Where?" was all he could manage to say.

Tony noticed that the voice that asked the question didn't had the velvety sound he had grown used to, "Tohma's office," he answered trying to shift his body to get a glimpse of the singer's face.

"Hmm," was Shuichi's response, still gripping the fabric tightly in his small fists.

"Shuichi," the older male said, wiggling himself free from his lover, "does that bother you?"

The singer, still avoiding Tony's scrutinizing eyes, stood sideways with his arms crossed. For a brief moment Shuichi thought of the question, _"Does it bother me?" _he shook his head, "Why would it bother me?" he said with a faint smile on his face which still looked down at the floor.

"Listen to me Shu," Tony smiled while following the trail left by the tear with his thumb, "sooner or later you'll have to face him also, are you going to fall apart if you do? You have to be strong on your own Shu, you have to. I'll be gone for some time, who will you turn to? Yuki, you loved him after all. Will you still be here when I come back? Will you love me when I come back?"

The singer - who up to this point kept his confused gazed away from the photographer's eyes - looked up, violet orbs met deep brown ones, "I don't know Tony, I don't know what's wrong with me… Here," he placed Tony's hand on his chest, "I just know that Yuki still hurts right here, sometimes I hate him so bad it drives me crazy, and… and sometimes I remember how much I loved him and it breaks my heart all over again." The sincerity of Shuichi's words makes Tony both relieved and sad, "And you Tony," the singer spoke again, "you give me so much and ask for nothing, you respect me, love me without question and make me feel safe. I don't know if I love you or not, but… I don't know how am I going to hold myself together while you're gone."

Tony stood firmly in place, "You have to Shuichi, or have you forgotten your purpose. You came back with one thing in mind and I promised I'd help you; you can't go back on it now. You have to hold it together, because this time I'm the one who doesn't know how.

--

Hiro opened the attic door, 'Now where is that box?'

He moved a few boxes and bags until he found the one he had been looking for, it was labeled **'Random Things'**. When he lifted the box it opened at the bottom spilling its contents, "Damnit," he yelled when a thick binder fell on his bare foot.

The red head grabbed an empty box, and tossed the items in it; nothing special, some clothes, cologne, pens, a box of hair dye, and that binder. The cause of his sore toe.

He picked the culprit up and inspected it; the thing weighed more than a phone book. It was a thick, black binder with more pages than it could hold, it had a pen tied to one of the rings, and it was tempting the guitarist to open it. The thing was almost calling to him. Hiro tried to ignore his curiosity he wanted to throw the book inside the box - curiosity won.

Hiro sat on the floor with the binder in his lap, the first page said _'Shuichi's Journal'_ "Why would Shuichi need a journal." The red head felt bad about intruding in his friend's secrets but since he already knew everything there was to know about the vocalist he didn't see the harm in it, then again, he didn't knew of the journal's existence.

He started to read about their time in school, _…I was caught again snoozing in the classroom…_ From time the he had known the singer, Shuichi had been reprimanded for sleeping during class more times he can remember.

…_Today they announced that Nittle Grasper was disbanding, why would they do that? Don't they realize… _Hiro skipped the written rants, he had heard those same words for months.

…_My day has gone from bad to worse. First Maiko wouldn't stop bitchin' about our song for the show, and then my data got wiped, and is still morning… _Hiro chuckled, remembering how Shuichi almost jumped out the window with his keyboard.

…_I met a complete bastard tonight…the balls, he told me I got no talent… _

Hiro browsed through the pages reading about the botched show where they made fools of themselves. The good, the bad and the ugly in his relationship with Yuki Eiri. He had even written about Aizawa's attack.

There were a few random notes, _TV interview thingy at 1:30 pm _

_Today is our first year anniversary… _Hiro smiled at the little hearts drawn around the note.

He kept browsing through the pages reading about how much Yuki had changed, how he was more loving, _…Yay Yuki's back today… _he flipped a few more pages, all of them filled with doodles and happy faces, then he found an interesting note…

_I've tried to convince him to start therapy again but he refuses, ever since he came back from his book signing he's been strange…_

He skipped a handful of pages…

_Ryuichi left yesterday to New York, he didn't even say goodbye…who am I going to talk to now… _Hiro wondered why he needed to talk to Ryuichi, wasn't he _the _best friend?

Then one page grabbed his attention, _Appointment with Dr. Miyamoto Tuesday at 10:30, _right under that one it said, _…I think I'm losing my mind…_

A couple of pages later, _Appointment with Dr. Higuchi tomorrow at 2 pm, _Next to it said, _…he hates me… no one cares…_

Hiro didn't know what to make of everything he was reading, _"Should I ask Shu about it?" _That was probably a bad idea. Even though he felt wrong about reading Shuichi's journal he kept reading, to Hiro nothing was making sense.

_The only thing he does now is drink, from the time he gets out of bed that's all he does… why is he so angry?_

The guitarist kept reading, skipping some lines every now and then.

…_damnit why is it always the face… _The read head eyes went wide, _…nobody notices anyway, they never do… _

He felt his eye sting with tears, "Oh Shu…"

…_the doctor says I've lost weight, who wouldn't? I hardly eat, I cannot sleep, the only thing I do is sing, sing, sing. As long as I do that every one is happy Tohma, Suguru, K, even Hiro… they only care about that… then they question why I'm always in a bad mood…_

…_How could he do this to me? Wasn't he satisfied…he didn't have to do this to me, after all I've done, after all I've endured…_

The guitarist gasped. He browsed the journal, skipping a few more weeks of Shuichi's horrible thoughts

…_I woke up in someone else's bed, I have no idea who he is… he was sound asleep so I snuck out of the apartment… shit this is all fucked up, it's the third straight week…_

Dumbfounded by that last entry he kept reading.

… _I dunno how, but I think I lost a few days, again… this time I woke up at the train station down Shinjuku… I think I shrunk cuz my pants are bigger… note to self: don't take Vicodin with beer, not a good combo…_

_Appointment today at 3:15 pm: Dr. Miyamoto won't give me any more medication; she says they're affecting my behavior. Now I'm a volatile person…shit I only threw the stapler across the room… fuck her, I don't need her… there are plenty of doctors more than willing to prescribe…_

He flipped a few more pages…

_My hands hurt and there are red marks around them, and Yuki has similar marks around his neck… oh God I tried to kill him, how could I? I got angry when I saw him and that woman in bed, the same bed where he used to make love to me back when… when we were happy… I don't remember… and Yuki wouldn't tell me… why wouldn't he tell me?_

_Today I saw my new doctor; again, she says I have not gained a pound, and that I should stop drinking. I say I just need stronger drugs so I don't have to drink, of course she refuses and only gives me the lowest dose of Paxil. Such bullshit, at least I know another doctor who will give me something…for a price…_

Hiro spots a page with some almost unreadable writing…_ I think I'm a whore, __**he**__ has turned me into a whre, a drunk whor…I know I said I wouldn't mix Vicodin with beeer but I did on Thursday and now is Sunday morng… how did that happn?… I cut meself, I think, don know how though… Yuki's cut too, I think I did that…_

The guitarist frantically flipped through the pages, as if he was trying to run away from the horrific details of his best friend's relationship with the novelist.

Almost at the end of the book there was the last entry… _I have to leave him, he's killing me. I'm dying a slow painful death…my love died a long time ago, it started to die the day he gave me a black eye, and it continued dying. Every time he touched me, every time he kissed me roughly enough to make me bleed, every time his hands manipulated my body to fulfill his needs…with every poisonous word, his disgusting smell, those cold hands, that repulsive tongue… the only thing remaining is this emptiness in my chest were once a heart was beating. No matter how many pills I take, how much I drink, or in how many unknown beds I wake up… that pain won't go away… my doctor say that my pain is associated with the depression and the multiple injuries I __have… I say is heartbreak, is the pain you feel when you fall out of love…_

Hiro slammed the journal close; he felt a pang on his chest… more than that, he felt like garbage. He felt as if he had been inflicting that pain to Shuichi, as if it was his fault his friend was hurt and left emotionally scarred.

But, he thought, it was his fault. He wasn't there, he brushed Shu's cries as some sort of whining, and now he felt even worse.

"Fucking bastard!" he said under his breath, clenching his teeth to the point of pain. How could he have delivered Yuki's letter himself, not only that, he had given the man the idea in the first place.

"He used me," In his eyes a storm was growing, the gray colored orbs flickered resembling lightning, "Oh, he's got some explaining to do."

The red haired man stood up placing the binder inside the box. He considered the idea of whom should he see first, should he go back to Shuichi's place and talk to him? Or should he go and kick Yuki's ass and then ask him about it?

Well it was Tony's last night in Japan, so Shuichi most likely wanted to spend time with him. So it was option two then.

--

The day had come and gone, the conversation had long been ended and Shuichi sat on the floor next to the entryway. He observed as Tony walked around and made calls, some sounded bitter others were full of business hypocrisy. Occasionally the photographer would blow a kiss to the singer and he would in turn blow him one. Takeshi stood in front of his master, "You have a call Sir," he said handing Shuichi his cell phone.

"Talk to me," Shuichi said over the device.

"_Shu, its Hiro."_

"Hn, 'sup?" The vocalist had no space in his thoughts to wonder why Hiro was calling so soon, he had been there a few hours ago.

"_I found your box, I'm bringing it tomorrow morning." _Hiro paused for a moment before saying, _"We need to talk."_ and the red head hung up.

Shuichi stared at the small phone in disbelief, "He hung up on me!"

"Shu," those simple three letters snapped the singer back to the present problem, "Love, it's time."

--

Thanks for reading. See you in next chapter.


	12. So help me God

**Haaaah! It's been so long O_O  
Hi there readers (is anyone still reading this?) I have risen from the ashes… not really I just got my ass in gear and took advantage of my sudden inspiration. Sorry for the long wait, I know lots of people were left hanging *bows deeply* But I'm happy to inform that here is a new chapter and that the next chapter is already being written so it may not be as long (^o^)**

**A/N:** I started to put some pieces together since lots of things were implied but not explained. Note that my writing is rusty and has also undergone changes. Also, almost the entire thing was written in the after midnight and it is not beta so any and all mistakes are mine, feel free to point me any mistakes but do so in a civilized manner. I don't like rude people.

**Warnings:** Nothing major going on. Rape (not graphic, more like a memory), some OOC maybe O_o

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing just my original characters. Oh and my new Virgo mug, it holds 12oz of coffee *joy*

**Chapter 12: So help me God**

Shuichi didn't want to let Tony go. He knew he was being selfish, irrational even, but he just didn't want his lifeline gone. However he knew that it would be too much to ask, Tony had his own career to look after.

Shuichi sighed and turned towards his lover's voice, "You'll come back soon, right?" It sounded more like a plea than a question.

"Promise," Tony embraced Shuichi, kissing the top of his head and rocking them both lightly, "I'll be back as soon as I get things straight. Now, would you promise me something?"

Shuichi looked up meeting Tony's gaze, mirroring his sadness, "Anything,"

"Promise you'll remember this," he ran his hands over the singer's body like he did when they made love, "remember my touch, the way I light your skin on fire, and this…" he kissed Shuichi in a way he had never been kissed before and it made him sob but it also made him strong because he had to be strong, if not for him at least for this man.

Once their lips parted the singer smiled, "Always…" and it was probably the most genuine smile Tony had ever seen.

One red haired guitarist contemplated his options. He could knock on Yuki's door and punch his lights out as soon as he saw the blonde or he could go there and demand a fucking explanation and then punch him. After a few minutes standing at the building's entrance deep in thought, asking himself if he had enough money in the bank to hire a lawyer and thinking about the repercussions of a criminal record, he calmly opened the door and headed towards Yuki's apartment.

The knock was soft, audible enough to make the writer walk all of the 13 steps from the sofa to the door. "Yeah," he said, "what the hell do you-"

Hiro stood at the door with a look that might make a puppy pee on your carpet, "You owe me so I'm here to collect."

Shuichi laid on the sofa, looking at the ceiling and lost in his thoughts. Takeshi, the ever so vigilant bodyguard, stood by the window.

The vocalist tried to organize his thoughts which proved easier said than done. Tony's departure had him uneasy, as if his safety net had been pulled from under him leaving him to walk the wire on his unbalanced feet with nothing to catch him if he fell. Then there was the matter of returning to NG, the thought alone gave him chills. And of course, how could he forget Yuki's letter; that damned white envelope hiding underneath a piece of furniture. He couldn't bring himself to even speculate about its contents. He sighed and stood up, Takeshi turned to him immediately, "I'm just going to take a shower."

It was true that Hiro opposed vehemently to Shuichi's relationship with Yuki, by vehemently I mean he absolutely abhorred the idea of his best friend attempting to have that cynical bastard of a writer love him – but of course he wanted nothing more for his best friend to be happy so he kept his thoughts to himself. This time Hiro intended to give Yuki more than a piece of his mind. "I'm going to be blunt, I have questions and you have answers. Now I'm not here to pity your sorry ass or to take your bullshit so I'll start with the one question I should've asked before even thinking of helping you: why did Shu left?"

Yuki met the guitarist fierce stare, "I don't know." The second those words left Yuki's mouth his back met the nearest wall, the impact forcing the air out of the writer's lungs.

Hiro had his forearm on Yuki's throat, his other hand fisting the crisp white shirt, "I think I said I wasn't taking any of your bullshit!" he snarled, "You did something to him, not your usual whoring around forgive me love and everything is okay shit. Something happened to him and it was your doing you fucking son of a bitch."

Yuki coughed and gasped for air, both hands trying to pry the red head's stronger arm off his neck. Hiro released him, roughly shoving the blonde to the side. He paced, one hand on his waist the other on his head, "Shuichi… I knew something was off with Shuichi, I've known for a while… I mean he came to work late and drunk and sometimes out of it…" he looked at Yuki, "What happened between you two?"

"I came home drunk one night, I had stopped taking my meds and going to therapy and had started drinking again… I was angry, my publishing company rejected one of my scripts and wanted me to "go clean" or I would never publish anything else with them and… well, things between Shuichi and I were not fairing any better. I got home drunk, pissed and he was… he was just there…" Yuki's voice was distant, cold even, as he recounted the events that would forever haunt Shuichi Shindou.

Shuichi let the hot water run down his back, he felt so tired, almost drained of all energy. He worked the soap over his body, feeling the tense muscles under his touch and he remembered Tony's parting words _"Remember my touch"_ and he did, oh how his body remembered every touch, every caress, every kiss and bite and lick. Shuichi lathered his shoulder, his hand softly caressing the skin from his shoulder and down his arm, then back up again. He thought of Antonio, his strong hands running down his body, then up to grab him behind his neck, lifting his chin up with his thumbs to gain access to his throat, placing soft kisses along his jaw.

Shuichi was breathing hard, almost feeling Tony's hand… squeezing his throat, a fierce mouth biting his bottom lip until he felt his own blood gush out of the wound. That hand squeezed tighter then shook him, slamming his head against cold tile. Shuichi screamed, flailing his arms and falling, knocking the shower caddy that stood in the corner. He tried to escape the blonde man, but he couldn't. Yuki grabbed the singer by his small waist as he tried to crawl out of the shower, "Please… Please Yuki don't… haaah…!" his plea was replaced by a heart wrenching scream as he was forcefully taken by the one he loved.

Takeshi had kicked the door down, he found Shuichi in the shower, laying on his side and shivering under the cold water. The bodyguard turned the water off, he went to wrap the singer on a towel when he started to yell, "Don't touch me… don't touch me… DON'T TOUCH ME!" kicking and punching the man.

Mizuki walked inside the bathroom, grabbed a towel and ordered Takeshi to get out. She looked at Shuichi who had one of the most terrified expressions she'd seen. "Come here my dear," she said softly as she draped the towel on the singer, "It's alright dear, everything is alright…" He couldn't breathe, he was so afraid it seemed his lungs had forgotten how. "Breathe, dear… breathe." He trembled and gasped for air, "Come on now, slow breaths, deep breaths… That's it…" Shuichi clung to the old woman, sobbing on her chest. She rocked him, rubbing his back as if he were a child, "No one is going to hurt you, not here, not while I'm around."

"He… Y-yuki…" he shivered, cold and terrified.

"There is no one here. Come now, you are going to get sick."

Shuichi was suddenly aware of his nudity; he covered his lower regions with the towel.

"I raised seven kids, two adopted and five of my own, not like I haven't seen one of those." Shuichi blushed but Mizuki just grabbed another towel to dry his hair with.

"I'm sorry… I…"

"Not a word. I'm here to serve the young master but I'm also here to nurture a broken boy in _his_ absence." She smiled, her eyes wrinkling in the corners. "Now, are you okay?" Shuichi simply nodded, "I'm going to get dinner started. You get ready."

Hiro sat on Yuki's sofa, his elbows rested on his knees while he buried his face on the palm of his hands, "How…" he sobbed, "How could you? You are an animal! I can't believe this shit…"

Yuki sat across from him on the floor, his back to the wall and a cigarette dangling on his bottom lip. His right hand grabbed at his own hair, guilty, angry, but most of all ashamed. He wouldn't say it but Shuichi's face haunted him every night, those violet orbs filled to the brim with tears, looking at him with such sorrow, such anger… and so much disgust. Yuki's heart ached, and he shed tears, "Don't you think I know that already?" he said, "Do you think I enjoy feeling like this or that I enjoy knowing how much I hurt him… I never wanted to hurt him, I lov-"

"Don't you fucking say you loved him!" Hiro kicked the coffee table, sending it across the room, ashtray and coffee mug along with it. "You hurt him, you ruined him… you fucking crushed him, do you not see that?"

"There is nothing I can say to you or to him that will change that!" Yuki raised his voice for the first time since they started this conversation. "There is nothing I can do to make it better! No amount of _I'm sorry_ or _I still love you_ will ever erase it! I don't need you to act as my conscience and tell me that I fucked up because I already know…"

Hiro grabbed the novelist by the shirt, lifting him up from the floor. He raised his left fist, ready to strike him right on his face but didn't, "You know what? You are not worth it." He released Yuki and headed towards the door, "I hope you get to experience every bit of the misery and pain he went through."

"Ne, Mizuki…" Shuichi walked in to the spacious kitchen were Mizuki stirred a pot while Takeshi chopped some scallions and carrots, "hmm, something smells really good."

"I'm making Miso soup, should be ready soon." She swatted Takeshi who was munching on a piece of carrot. At that moment Hisashi entered the residence, which meant Tony was in route to Spain. He felt his chest get tight.

Just as his tears started to build up his phone rang, "Hello?"

"Hey, Shu."

"Hey… what's up?"

"Hm, I know this is not the best time for me to be calling… anyways, I found your box."

"Oh… great."

"Yeah, but I can't make it to your place in the morning." Hiro wasn't ready yet, he needed the night to clear his head and then the morning to clear the inevitable hangover.

"Is that so…" that sounded just find to the singer, he was in no mood to see anyone so early in the morning.

"Tomorrow around 1pm sounds good?"

"Fine… see you then." The line went dead with a click. It was the first time in all the years the two had been friends a conversation felt this cold. Shuichi knew that a rift had formed between them because you see Shuichi unconsciously blamed Hiro for a lot of things.

A bowl of Miso was placed in front of Shuichi, "Eat up." Said Mizuki.

"Thanks, smells delicious." And it tasted delicious too. "Where is Takeshi?" he hadn't seen the man walk out.

"Oh, that boy is probably eating outside." She said, throwing a kitchen towel over her shoulder.

"Hm," Shuichi ate his soup slowly, savoring the simple yet exquisite flavor. "Is he your son?" he asked, drinking the remaining broth.

"He is. I took him in when he was but a boy…" Mizuki took Shuichi's bowl, placing it in the sink, "Found him wandering around the market all beat up and starved. Didn't say much back then,"

"That hasn't changed."

"Haha, I guess, but he said even less as a boy. He had the eyes of a brilliant boy, brave too. Don't be afraid of him, trust him, he has that protection instinct engraved in his brain. Makes him a loose cannon sometimes but I guess that's perfect for this kind of work."

Mizuki turned to her chores. It left Shuichi thinking, wondering about his purpose in life. What good had he done? He lived for music and when Yuki entered his life he lived for him too. He'd stopped caring about living for a while and now he found himself not knowing what to do.

Shuichi thanked Mizuki for the meal and headed to the garden. Takeshi sat on the wooden porch, leaning on his elbows and looking at the sky. "Do you mind if I sit out here with you?"

Takeshi stood up, "Of course not, this is your house."

Shuichi didn't like how Takeshi changed from relaxed young man to rigid bodyguard, "Sit down, keep doing what you were doing… what were you doing?" The singer needed to clear his thoughts and nothing better than silly conversation.

The bodyguard sat back down, "I was looking at the sky, sir."

"Drop the sir, it makes me feel old." He said smiling, "Were you looking at anything in particular?"

"Stars… they look very bright tonight."

"Yeah," Shuichi lay back on his elbow, mimicking Takeshi's posture, "It's very clear tonight."

They sat for while like that, staring at the stars in silence. "You're going to catch a cold," they turned to see Mizuki standing behind them, her hands inside the sleeves of her dark green kimono, "I made hot chocolate.

Both men stood fast, apparently hot chocolate could make one forget about stars.

Hiro on the other hand was chugging down his sixth beer with no immediate intention to stop. He felt as guilty as Yuki, just as ashamed or maybe worse. He tied all of the strings in his head: the bruises that although covered with make-up, were still visible. The times Shuichi would collapse mid-recording, and all the times he said "_What do you care"_ to Hiro. Now things made sense and it pissed him off that he wasn't there for Shuichi.

He pointed to his empty bottle, the bartender quickly replacing it with another cold beer. How could he possibly look his friend in the eye? But that was then, now he had his friend back and he would make sure to apologize to him properly. He would make anything related to Yuki his business. He would help Shuichi shine on stage and off it too, "So help me God."


End file.
